


If Only

by CandiedClassics



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 'What if' scenario, Alternate Reality, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Garrison Klance, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Parental Blue Lion (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), broganes, garrison keith, keith has a childhood, kid keith, slightly more graphic violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-16 16:54:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16499141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CandiedClassics/pseuds/CandiedClassics
Summary: Maybe if Krolia hadn't left when she did, Keith's life would have been different.But that was a big 'if'.And it made a big difference.-----------------An exploration into an alternate reality where Keith's fate never leads him down the path to becoming a paladin.





	If Only

**Author's Note:**

> This ended up being far longer than I ever intended, and it still needs to be properly beta'd but I needed to get it out. I apologize for small errors
> 
> This is a part of the 2018 Keith Birthday Bang! I was partnered with the amazing cchyne, whose fantastic artwork you can see [here!](http://cchyne.tumblr.com/post/179643524768/my-piece-for-leggydeco-s-wonderful-fic-if-only)
> 
> They made such a beautiful comic for this and I'm so honored to have been able to work with them.

“I’ll save you, Keith!”

The moment he saw his mother barreling towards him, her pointed teeth bared and her claws ready to rip, tear and render, Keith knew he needed to be stronger. So that he wouldn’t have to be saved from anymore draguliocs. So that he too could fight and protect the world just like his mama, like a true warrior.

He kicked and squirmed against the gruff arms holding him, his little toddler arms flailing as he tried to reach out for his mama, who suddenly tackled the great beast keeping him captive and sent the three of them crashing into the sandy ground outside their modest desert home.

“Aaagh I’ve been bested! Damn you, great warrior Krolia!” His father roared through boisterous laughter as Keith was tucked under his mother’s arm triumphantly, making him giggle and shriek when she suddenly held him up in the air like a trophy.

“You can never win foul dragulioc! For Keith and I will always save the day!” Krolia declared as she pulled her squirmy son down to her chest and nuzzled the top of his head, murmuring softly into the raven hair she loved so dearly. “And I’ll always protect you”

 

\--------------

 

“Keith, you have to tell me what happened.”

Krolia crossed her arms and watched her young son fidget in the old wood kitchen chair he’d been placed in, his feet kicking restlessly where they hung nearly a foot above the floor. She was approaching this with the utmost patience, but Keith was stubborn and never gave in as easily.

“I told you! I just got mad!” He declared, refusing to look at his mother. Krolia sat down across from Keith and sighed.

“Starlight, that’s no excuse to bite someone. You need to learn to control your anger, you made that little girl bleed.” Keith flinched at that and seemed to fold in on himself further. He wasn’t proud of himself. He hadn’t meant to go that far...but he had just been so...mad.

“I didn’t mean to...” he mumbled quietly, starting to sniffle a little as his emotions got the better of him. Krolia stood and went over, carefully picking up her son and taking a seat in the chair, letting Keith curl up on her lap. She carefully cupped his cheek and pulled one lip up to expose a set of growing fangs that were far sharper than that of any normal human 7 year old.

“I know dear...I suppose it’s not your fault entirely. Your Galra blood is beginning to become more active.” She explained gently. Keith pulled away from her hand to hide his face in her chest, murmuring something indiscernible.

“What’s that, dear?”

“She said...she said I was lying. She said I didn’t have a mom. She said you didn’t exist.”

Keith hiccupped and shuddered as he started to cry, hating how worked up he was. He hadn’t meant to lose control, he didn’t want to hurt anyone. But he was so tired of the way the other kids at school whispered behind his back, the way they looked at him so shrewdly and talked about how Keith lived in a garbage pile in the desert with no mom and a crazy dad. He wanted to prove them all wrong and show them how awesome his mom really was.

But he couldn’t. Her purple skin and yellow eyes wouldn’t allow it. Krolia sighed softly and carefully cupped the back of Keith’s head.

“I know dear. But it doesn’t matter what those kids say. I’ll always be here.” She said and kissed the top of his head.

“Now. Let’s not tell your father about this.”

 

\--------------

 

“Woah, what is this place?!”

Keith could barely contain his excitement as he stumbled after his parents, his pre-pubescent legs wobbling over every stray rock and boulder in his way as they trekked deeper and deeper into the cave. His eyes traveled over the carvings and sigils of weird lions and energy orbs that coated the stone walls around him, and it was only when he felt his mom’s hand on his shoulder that he stopped walking.

“Someplace very, very special, Keith. You have to promise that no matter what, you will keep it a secret. Should it get out, it could mean sacrificing the safety of everyone you know and love. This is very serious, do you understand?” Keith could tell his mom wasn’t just sugar-coating extra danger or excitement on this to make it more fun, and he let his childish awe waver, so he could nod to her with all seriousness. Krolia seemed pleased with that and she smiled as she took Keith’s hand.

“Good, now hold on to me. It gets slippery around here.” She said, following after Keith’s father who was busy lighting the way with a flashlight up ahead. Keith squeezed his mama’s hand as they slipped through a narrow passage in the cave wall and began to descend further and further down. It seemed like hours of careful hiking on damp stone had passed until they finally reached flat ground. And once they stepped into the hollowed clearing, Keith’s jaw dropped.

Of all the things he’d expected his parents to show him, a giant robotic blue lion was hardly it. Keith couldn’t take his eyes off the beast and when his mother loosened her grasp on his hand, he quickly ran forward, his hands pressing to the watery blue force field that enveloped it. He looked up into its great yellow eyes with wonder and disbelief as he shook his head.

“What’s...how....? What is this??” Keith asked, voice still lost in awe. His father smiled and walked over to Keith, gently setting a hand on his shoulder.

“This is the Blue Lion. One of the defenders of the universe.” He explained in his typical southern drawl. Krolia stood on Keith’s other side and eyed the lion with the same reverence her son had.

“It’s the reason I’m here. And the reason I met your father.” Keith turned towards his mother, curiosity flickering in his violet irises, and Krolia grinned and gently trailed her fingers through his thick black hair as she told her story.

She told Keith about her people, about how the Galra were a very dangerous race that intended to take over the far corners of the universe till nothing remained. She explained what little she knew about Voltron, the defender made up of 5 robotic beasts and piloted by 5 paladins whose sole purpose was to protect the universe from threats like the Galra. She explained her role as a Blade, and how the call of the Blue Lion had led her to crash into the surface of this very planet, just beyond his father’s front door.

And now it was their job to protect the Blue Lion from the Galra, so that no more harm could come from Voltron falling into the wrong hands.

Keith couldn’t take his eyes off of the Blue Lion the entire time his mother spoke, his focus drawn in by the oddly calming and motherly aura it gave off.

“So, Keith. Do you promise not to tell anyone about this? Will you help us protect Blue and defend the universe?” Keith looked over at his father and nodded, and he giggled when his mother roughed up his hair with her claws.

He was barely able to contain his smile.

And when he turned back and gently knocked on Blue’s shield as if to introduce himself, she seemed to smile too.

 

\--------------

 

He really didn’t know what he’d expected. Telling anyone that their breath smelled, and their hair looked weird would be insulting enough.

Telling that to your date to the fifth-grade winter dance was at least a hundred times worse.

So, the fruit punch thrown in his face and the rough smacking across the head was kind of expected. He deserved what came to him for that one. That didn’t make sitting on the front steps of the school and waiting for the dance to end so his dad could pick him up any less depressing. Keith sighed and picked at the fraying cuffs of his rental suit, trying to ignore the evening South Zona humidity that had his hair sticking to the back of his neck.

Keith wasn’t good with girls. It didn’t take a scientist to see that. It wasn’t that hard to just be nice, but somehow, with girls, he always seemed to mess that up. He only went to the dance because Nadia had asked him, and his dad said he would have fun. It would have been fine if they just went and loitered by the wall like normal people, but Nadia wanted to slow dance with all the couples and it just went downhill from there.

“Hey...you alright?” Keith looked up as one of his classmates, James, walked down the steps and decided to join him. He was also a good friend of Nadia’s.

“If you’ve come to punch me to make Nadia feel better, just don’t knock my teeth out. Dentists are expensive.” Keith said dully. James laughed a bit at that.

“Dude no. Nadia wouldn’t ask me to do that. And I wouldn’t even if she did. I just wanted to see how you were doing. You kinda ran out before anyone could stop you. Normally, when you insult a girl, she’s the one to leave first.” He pointed out. Keith rolled his eyes.

“Are you here to make fun of me?”

“Not intentionally.”

Keith sighed and ran a hand through his sweat and punch dampened hair. It was going to turn sticky soon and the bathroom paper towels had done very little in the way of mopping up the mess.

“She wanted to kiss me.”

James was even more amused at that.

“What? Seriously?! No way, I didn’t think Nadia was in to that kind of stuff. Ina sure isn’t, she’d crush my toes if I even tried.”

Keith shrugged and crossed his arms over his knees.

“Yeah well, she is. And I guess I kinda...panicked.”

James hummed and started to think outload. “So you said her breath smelled bad...” Keith nodded. “And you insulted her hair…” Another nod. “…so she wouldn’t kiss you?”

“Is that bad?”

James shrugged. “I mean, kinda? But I guess I see why you did it. Kissing’s pretty gross and girls are really weird.” He admitted. Keith perked up, happy to learn that someone was on his side here. He hadn’t expected James of all people to understand.

“Yeah! I mean... I’m not afraid of kissing really. But I just don’t really want to kiss a girl.”

“I guess that sorta makes sense.” James said and gently nudged Keith with a chuckle. “Don’t worry about it. You’ll find someone you like kissing eventually.”

“Have you even kissed anyone?” Keith asked, and James looked away awkwardly.

“Nah, not really. Sometimes I wish I had so I could just get it out of the way, you know?”

“Yeah...”

A long silence passed between the two of them and Keith suddenly had an epiphany.

“We could kiss each other... you know, that way you can just get it out of the way and I can see if it’s really that bad.”

James gave Keith a wary and slightly disgusted look. “Can you even do that?” he asked, seeming genuinely confused. Keith shrugged.

“I don’t really see why not.”

Keith and James turned towards each other and Keith swallowed the knot in his stomach that suddenly decided to make an impromptu appearance. He didn’t have this anxious feeling when Nadia leaned towards him on the dance floor and cupped his cheeks to ask permission. Not in the slightest. He wondered if that was a good or a bad thing.

James looked more unnerved than anything, but Keith chose to ignore that as he closed his eyes and leaned in, letting their lips nudge together clumsily. James’s lips were soft and chapped and when he pressed them against his own, it felt oddly nice. Keith could feel his heart beating out of his chest and his palms start to sweat, because of all the things, he hadn’t expected to actually like this and that thought was scarier than the act itself.

He parted from James for a moment and opened his eyes a crack to see a blush mirroring his own on the other’s cheeks. It gave Keith a small boost of confidence, and he closed his eyes again to lean in for another, only to be shoved away.

“Ew stop!” James snapped, and Keith blinked back to reality in time to see him stand and brush the lapels of his junior suit where Keith had unknowingly been touching him. “That’s weird… you’re weird!” He declared loudly before suddenly storming away and leaving Keith on the front steps, alone once more.

Keith spent the rest of the dance hating himself for how much he’d liked that kiss. Because it was pretty obvious that James hadn’t.

 

\--------------

 

“I’m sorry, Keith.”

“What do you mean you’re sorry?! If you were actually sorry, you wouldn’t be leaving!!”

Keith vaguely heard the clatter of the wooden kitchen chair hitting the floor behind him, but he paid it no mind. He didn’t care about property damage right now, not when it felt like his heart was being torn in two. Krolia sighed as she pushed her plate away and stood up alongside Keith’s father, with only the table dividing them from their son. They were both giving Keith apologetic looks that made him feel distinctly sick to his stomach.

“Keith, you know I don’t want to have to do this. But your father and I were barely able to hold off the last group of scouts that came seeking the Blue Lion. He very nearly died, and you almost broke your leg because you refused to stay in the house!” Krolia scolded, taking a steady breath to calm her tone a moment later. “The Galra activity around Earth has become too dangerous. A full fleet could invade in search of the Blue Lion any day now and it’s important that I slip back into their ranks and feed them intel that will lead them away. This is for your own safety.” She explained.

Keith shook his head, tears stinging the edge of his vision. He didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to hear her excuses for running away.

“But what about us? What happened to protecting the Blue Lion as a family?!” He demanded, taking a step back when his mother tried to come around the table and reach for him.

“Keith, please. You and Your father are human, your mortality is much lower than that of the Galra. If they were to invade on such a scale, I couldn’t guarantee your safety.”

Keith scoffed and threw his hands up in the air.

“So what, that was a lie? You never thought we could protect Blue, because we weren’t Galra like you?!”

“Keith, no that’s not—“

“Then what is it?!”

“Keith, listen to your mother—“

“Why?! She’s leaving us, it’s not like she actually cares!” His mother flinched at his words and Keith tried to ignore the pang of guilt he got from the look in her eyes.

“Keith...” Krolia sighed and went over to her satchel which was already packed by the door. She was planning to leave by tomorrow morning...of course they only felt the need to tell him now. She carefully pulled a familiar, sheathed dagger from her things and held it out to her son.

“I want you to have this. It could help you in the future, and if you have it then I’ll always be with you.” She assured.

Keith didn’t move to take it.

“Keep it. I don’t want some stupid knife, I want a real mom! One that isn’t some evil purple alien!” Keith shouted, storming up to his bedroom and slamming the door so hard the windows of their old house rattled.

Krolia came to say goodbye to him the next morning. Keith pretended to be asleep as she kissed his cheek and left without another word spoken between them.

Keith regretted never saying goodbye.

He regretted never saying sorry even more.

 

\--------------

 

It was as if his life was being chased by a fire. And all Keith could do was watch as everything he loved burned up into ash that floated just out of his reach.

The same flames that burned away his mother, took his father less than a year later. Keith hated himself for letting those flames through his front door. He hated himself for being too weak to do anything except sit there and watch everything he loved get turned into ash.

Even as he saw his father go back inside their burning home to retrieve the last piece of his mother, he knew there was nothing he could have done to prevent the inevitable. He was not at fault and yet, Keith couldn’t find it in him to curse fate. He couldn’t hate the world that burned it all away.

Because in the end, it was him who the fire was chasing. And a flame cannot exist without kindling to devour into nothingness.

And he became nothingness.

He was alone.

 

\--------------

 

There was four of them…no five. Five people were pacing the perimeter of Blue’s forcefield, tapping intermittently to find a weak spot and scanning with every device they owned to try and see what they were blind to.

And it was Keith’s fault they got in.

He’d relied far too much on the Galra-tech sensors his mother had left around the mouth of the cavern, which were supposed to alert the communicator in the house when something was attempting to disturb the Blue Lion. But there was no such thing as unlimited energy, at least not on Earth, and after functioning for the better part of three years without the needed maintenance, of course they would die. Keith was just lucky that he had noticed the strange rover-like vehicle traveling across the sand dunes on his usual patrol of the nearby cliffsides that morning.

He had already preemptively slashed their tires when he arrived at the cave to find the vehicle empty. Even if he couldn’t take all of these guys out inside, they wouldn’t get far on foot before he caught up and finished the job.

Keith tightened his grip on the handle of the knife his mother had left him, the symbol on it covered with old gauze so he could try and forget all the hurt and tragedy this blade reminded him off. He would have trashed it, but the metal was far too strong for him to use anything else. And his father had sacrificed too much to secure its safety from the embers of their burning home.

A light passed over the rocks near where Keith was hiding, and he quickly ducked further down to avoid detection.

He’d done this before…in the past 2 years, he’d numbed himself to the idea of killing a man. At least, killing a Galra. He’d been raised with enough stories to know what kind of a people they were, the amount of genocide and despair they’d caused. Granted, there were a few times where Keith wondered if his mother had simply been lying to him. But he’d run into enough of these guys to go with his gut and say they were bad news.

On his own, he’d thwarted 5 attempts for the Blue Lion. Each time, it was just one or two scouts coming to check out the vague energy signals the lion gave off, and destroying them and their ship with simple tack-on detonators was easy enough. It certainly took out the personal factor. But at only the age of 16, he still knew all too well what it was like to have blood on his hands.

It had just never been human blood.

Keith carefully slid out from his hiding spot and descended the inner cave walls slowly, careful to minimize how much rock he displaced or the crunching sound of his boots on withered stone. He recognized their uniforms at least; his father had told him of the Galaxy Garrison stationed near them a number of times. But up close, they were definitely more than just some government lackeys. Their tech was on par with the stuff he’d seen his mom build and use, which was unnerving considering he didn’t even have that to back him up anymore.

He was going in with only his knife and his instincts.

“Sergeant, the readings have come in. This…lion…seems to be made of materials not found on earth.” One of the officers reported to a taller man wearing a grey uniform. Despite the obvious authority in his title and his position amongst the five, Keith noted that this man held himself in an oddly casual manor, his hands on his hips as he looked up at the Blue Lion with an expression that could only be described as awe-struck.

“Absolutely amazing! We need to report this to commander Iverson immediately. And see if you can get through to Admiral Sandas, she’ll want to know about this too.” He replied, never taking his eyes off the lion. Two of the four officers moved towards the cave’s only visible exit path. It was now or never.

Keith sprinted out of his hiding spot and went straight for the sergeant in charge while his guard was down. The officers noticed his presence before the sergeant though, and immediately ran in to intercept him.

“Who the hell—”

“Sergeant Shirogane, look out!”

Keith ducked low when one of the officers shot something at him that must have been a taser, judging from how the air crackled just over his head. He quickly flipped the blade of his knife around and slashed the officer in the side. Deep enough to incapacitate but not to kill.

He was hesitating. Dammit.

Another officer got in his way, and Keith cut them down too, kicking their legs out from under them and making a dead sprint for the sergeant who was now rearing back for a defensive fight.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed one of the other officers pulling a communicator feed up from his smart watch. Keith diverted his attention and raised his knife.

“Hello, this is Garrison squadron 228, we’re being ambushed! Our coordinates are---agh!”

The knife swished through the air for only a moment before hitting its target, jamming itself in the officer’s wrist and shattering the watch. Keith turned back to his initial target with fists raised, but before he had time to notice the sergeant wasn’t there, his arm was being yanked behind his back as he was bodily slammed into the cold, unforgiving cave floor.

“Who are you?” The sergeant’s earlier casual tone was completely gone now, his voice pitched low with an unspoken threat. When Keith didn’t respond, he tightened his grip on his wrist and the back of Keith’s neck, making him grunt in pain.

 “Fuck—gh, lemme go!”

“Who. Are. You?” Keith felt the other man putting all his weight into pinning him down and he knew there was no way he was getting out of this without first being let go. That didn’t mean he would be complacent though.

“Why the hell would I tell you?!” He snapped. The sergeant, Sergeant Shirogane apparently, sighed in exasperation and let up his grip just enough for it not to hurt as much.

“Alright, fine, different question. What do you know about this…this lion?” Keith scoffed at that. If this guy wasn’t getting his name, he damn well wasn’t getting that intel either.

“That’s none of your business.”

The sergeant sighed and stood back again, pulling Keith up on his knees and keeping hold of his wrists, though he changed to a firmer hold with his left hand instead of his right.

“Look. You just assaulted 3 of my officers and very likely made an attempt on my life. Your options are telling me what’s going on here, or I’ll be taking you back to the Garrison and letting them decide what to do with you.” He said, his voice calm and casual again, getting straight to the point. Keith growled under his breath and deliberated for a moment.

He wouldn’t lie. But the guy never said he couldn’t be vague.

“I’m…protecting it. It’s my job to protect it.” Keith mumbled. Sergeant Shirogane hummed, and suddenly let go of his wrists without any warning. Keith looked over his shoulder and was prepared to see him grabbing a weapon, but instead he had gone to help up the two officers he’d slashed while the third wad being tended to by the only unharmed lackey.

The sergeant murmured something to them that Keith couldn’t discern, and once he stood up, he half debated on making a dead sprint for the wall and climbing back to the surface through the hidden passage.

But he wouldn’t leave here without his knife. Not out of sentiment, but out of necessity.

Once the two officers were helped over towards where the third was being treated, Sergeant Shirogane refocused on him and approached calmly.

“Why are you protecting it? Does it belong to you?”

“I…no…it was just my family’s job to protect it.

“Your family? And where are they?” Keith hesitated on his response, staring pointedly at his shoes

“Gone.”

Sergeant Shirogane said nothing. Keith would have looked at him to try and read his expression, but he wasn’t in the mood for needless pity right now.

“Sorry to hear that. How long has it just been you? Are you staying around here?” He said, glossing over the tragic backstory and leaving Keith momentarily floundering. He’d been more prepared to give his sob-story then to just cut to facts. Not that he didn’t appreciate it.

“U-uh 2 years…I guess. Maybe longer. I have a place nearby.” Was all he offered. Keith flinched when the sergeant’s hand suddenly fell on his shoulder.

“I’d like for you to come back to the Garrison with me.”

Keith tensed up and jerked away, his flight instincts immediately looking for a way out of such a scenario. “But—you can’t- I –”

“Let me finish.” Sergeant Shirogane, held up his hands to silence him and Keith reluctantly let some of the tension leave his shoulders.

“You don’t have to. The choice is yours. But if it’s alright by you, I’d like for you to come back to the Garrison and have a meal with me and my boyfriend. I just want to talk. You can tell me about the lion, or you don’t have to say anything at all. I can tell you want this to stay a secret, so I’ll promise you that, unless this becomes a threat, what we know won’t leave this cave. But at the very least, I need you to tell me if there is any way I can help.”

Keith didn’t know what to think of his offer, and every part of him that had become hardened to thoughts of friendship and trust told him to question this. He should grab his knife and make for the exit while he had the chance. But his gut… his gut trusted the sergeant and his earnest smile. And his gut had never wronged him before. Keith stared at Sergent Shirogane for a long minute and found himself nodding before the words could catch up to him. Shirogane smiled and turned to rejoin his men who were focusing on patching up their mostly shallow wounds.

“Great. I’ll need your help in getting my men to the rover, I hope you understand.” Keith didn’t say anything, and the sergeant seemed fine with that. This guy seemed fine with a lot of things. Fine with Keith, even. And that was the weirdest of them all.

Although he probably wouldn’t be fine with the state of the rover.

Keith ignored the way the officer with the bleeding wrist and broken watch glared at him as he re-sheathed his knife and reluctantly helped them stand. The trek back to the surface was bound to be a slow one with the extra weight, but that was the least of his concerns as he quickly caught up with Sergeant Shirogane again.

“Keith.”

The sergeant turned and gave Keith a curious look, but understanding reached his eyes a moment later and he smiled.

“Nice to meet you Keith. You can call me Shiro.”

 

\--------------

 

In the midst of his very first inspection, Keith wondered if it was too late to take back his promises to Shiro.

Even if it meant protecting Blue all on his own again, he still had a shack waiting for him in the desert, no matter how dusty and decrepit; and at the very least, backing out would mean Shiro could get a refund on his Garrison cadet uniform, which he was sure couldn’t have been cheap out-of-pocket since Keith wasn’t on a standard tuition plan.

But as he’d adjusted the collar of his uniform and looked himself over in the uncracked, perfectly pristine mirror of his Garrison dorm that morning, he couldn’t say he hated the way it made him feel. He wasn’t one for military or following rules, but with this uniform on, he was on his way to becoming a pilot that could even rival Shiro. And that had become just one of his many newly established goals over the past few months. Goals he planned to achieve. Albeit, in his own way.

“Not bad cadet. Though I suggest you get a haircut, unless you expect to be vigilant in the air with those bangs of yours covering half your face.” Iverson declared. Keith tensed up and felt his tongue loosening up before his brain could reign it in.

“I actually find them quite useful, sir.”

Iverson paused where he’d been about to move on to pacing the remaining line of cadets and gave Keith a warning look.

“Oh? And why is that, cadet?” Keith kept his expression as neutral as possible while avoiding Iverson’s eyes.

“They’re cheaper than sunglasses.”

Commander Iverson didn’t seem to take kindly to the quip from his newest recruit, but before he could break into his standard-fair routine of yelling, a harsh chuckling from the opposite end of their line-up caught both their attention and had Iverson marching off towards it.

“McClain! Something you find funny?!” Keith leaned over to look at the other end of the line and noticed a lanky boy with sun-kissed skin and choppy auburn hair hunched over with a hand over his mouth to stifle his giggling. The larger boy beside him also seemed to be trying to quell trembling lips.

“N-no sir!” McClain managed to force out, but when his friend sputtered on his own choked laugh, the boy broke down again. Iverson harrumphed, clearly not so amused.

“It’s a wonder that you’re my top student…” He mumbled, and Keith arched a brow at that, equally disbelieving.

“S-sorry sir.”

“Well if you find our newest recruit so amusing, then I’m sure you’ll take a shine to your new job.” Iverson went on as McClain schooled himself back into a military stance. “Kogane is 3 years behind, but Sergeant Shirogane insists he can keep up in this course. He has a lot to catch up on, so from here on out you will be guiding him and assisting him in remedial courses during lunch hours. I don’t want to see any slacking off until that boy can fly the start-up simulation forwards, backwards and blindfolded, is that understood McClain?

“Yes sir.”

“Good. Partner up for drills, 3 to a group. Garrett, you’re with Kogane and McClain.” The line of cadets quickly dispersed into groups of 3, the cadets sticking to each other with an obvious sense of familiarity that Keith was a little jealous of. He went over to where his pre-assigned partners were already chatting and nervously stuck his hands in his pockets when they noticed him.

“Uh…McClain?”

“Lance, call me Lance! Only Iverson uses last names. Oh, this is Hunk!” McClain – Lance said as he gestured to his larger, less boisterous friend. Keith nodded to him when he waved, and then looked back to Lance.

“So, what are these drills about anyways?” He asked as Lance lead them towards where a number of cadets were already lining up outside of a large simulation pod.

“Just standard stuff. You practice easy recon missions and pretend to be an actual flight crew, with a pilot, an engineer and a navigator.” Lance counted off on his fingers before pointing his thumb at himself with a confident smirk. “I’m the pilot. Hunk’s engineer, so you’ll be nav, but don’t worry, Iverson won’t expect you to do much for your first time, so you can just watch how the pros do it.” He declared.

‘Pros’ wasn’t the word Keith would have used after watching Lance use the simulation as a verified stage to show off on.

Between his hair-pin maneuvers, that each came with an assortment of tacky, comic book worthy names, and Hunk’s groaning of nauseous discomfort, Keith wasn’t able to absorb much information beyond the fact that this guy was a little bit crazy.

Despite the lack of any form of safety protocol, Lance somehow pulled himself together and landed everything in a professional, nearly point-for-point perfect manor. The sudden change in behavior and attitude left Keith more confused about who this guy was then when they’d started.

“Are you really the top pilot in the class?”” He asked after getting out of a rather harsh, but begrudgingly positive critique from Iverson, and going to change out of their simulation suits in the locker rooms. Lance smirked and put his hands on his hips proudly.

“You bet! They don’t call me the tailor for nothing you know!” Keith still looked disbelieving, and Hunk chuckled as he finished folding up his suit.

“He only earned the title after our most recent flight exam, and only by 2 points. Before that, he and Griffin were duking it out for the top spot constantly.” He explained.

“Griffin…?”

“James Griffin.”

Keith looked over at Lance and noted how stiff and curt his response was. Keith hadn’t heard it in years, but that name sounded distinctly familiar.

“I thought only Iverson used last names with everyone.” He pointed out. Lance shrugged but didn’t look his way.

“Griffin’s an exception.”

After that, the three of them went to the rest of their morning classes together, which were astrophysics and chemistry. Funny enough, despite his top of the class status in piloting, Lance was apparently hopeless at chemistry and relied heavily on Hunk to help him out and keep him awake during class. Keith found Lance’s comedic levels of disdain and dreariness oddly endearing, and he was struggling to keep the amused smile off his face on more than one occasion.

When he wasn’t staring at Lance, Keith’s gaze would drift to the special pager-like device Shiro had given him that allowed him to be constantly kept up to date on the status of Blue. If anything even stepped within 50 yards of the cave without authorization, Keith would know about it and the screen would light up in certain colors to show the category of the disturbance. Orange for Garrison, Green for benign, like animals or debris, Red for immediate threat. And even if any disturbance was few and far between, Keith was a creature of habit and felt more comfortable with eyes on Blue rather than not.

At lunch, Lance and Keith only had 20 minutes to eat before they had to split off from Hunk and head back to the simulation center for more training. It was going to be a lot of work on both their ends until Keith caught up, but oddly enough, Lance didn’t seem too bothered by it, even when he had to sacrifice his chance to eat dessert that day.

“So, how good of a pilot do you think you are?” Lance asked as he led Keith over to a much smaller, simple piloting simulation in a side room.

“Not sure. Never driven anything other than a hoverbike.” Which was all courtesy of his free-time spent with Shiro.

“Well, then I guess we’re gonna see!” Lance said, slapping Keith hard on the back as he led him into the simulation pod. Once Keith was settled in the pilot’s chair, Lance quickly gave him a run-down of how to check the engine status, use the gear-shifts and steer the control handles. He said it was like a video game, but when it was obvious that that didn’t reassure Keith in the slightest, Lance told him to just pretend he was riding a hoverbike in space. He then retook his spot in the back to watch while Keith was left to either sink or swim.

Luckily, he didn’t just swim. He flew.

Keith had never played a video game in his life, but after a couple minor fumbles with his maneuvering at the start, he felt like he could take on any console title put in front of him. He couldn’t be stopped. He easily passed the first five levels on speed and maneuvering alone. But it was when they reached level ten that his gut seemed to take full charge.

He was reminded of seeing Shiro pull off insane dives on his bike, and how he preached having a balance of smarts and guts in order to come out the other side safely. Keith tried to have that now, but thinking seemed so irrelevant with asteroids and space debris firing at you from all ends in the vast void of the unknown.

One careless, slightly Lance-inspired barrel-roll ended up taking him out at level 13, and Keith cursed under his breath when the simulation ended. He looked down at his controls for the first time in what seemed like forever and couldn’t help marveling at the fact that none of that had been real. He flinched when he heard a whistle from behind him and turned to see Lance approaching with a grin on his face.

“Holy crow dude, that was awesome! You’re totally bullshitting me, where’d you learn to fly like that?” He asked, leaning over the back of Keith’s chair and getting a little in his face. Keith flushed and inched back enough so he couldn’t smell the cherry chapstick on Lance’s lips quite so well.

“Uuh…well, Shiro’s been giving me a couple pointers.” He mumbled, and Lance’s eyes widened.

“Whoa, no way, you’re friends with Shiro?? Like, Sergeant Shirogane?” The boy looked totally star-struck and Keith found himself oddly even more embarrassed, as if he was the one getting subjected to Lance’s hero worship.

“Um, kinda? He’s the one that got me into the Garrison program in the first place.” He explained, tucking some hair behind his ears and moving to stand. Lance leaned back as Keith got up from his chair and put his hands on his hips.

“Dude no way, I’m so jealous! You have to introduce us sometime!” Lance declared, leading the way out of the simulation room and back into the hallways. Keith felt himself smiling when Lance started to ramble about all the cool things Shiro had apparently done and how he planned to be just as good as him one day, and how he wanted to even leave the solar system and discover a new moon or something, so he could name it after himself. Unlike Keith, who had been prepared to stay stagnant in one spot for his entire life, Lance had goals that outstretched the farthest stars in the galaxies.

He liked that about him.

Actually, Keith liked a lot of things about him.

“Hey Lance…” Keith sidled his way up next to the other boy and rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly finding it difficult to make eye contact. “Shiro and I usually have dinner in his instructor suite…you want to come with tonight? I’m sure he won’t mind.” Keith offered, glancing up to see Lance’s eyes practically gleam for a moment.

“Oh man, would I?! Ah, but…I can’t. Not tonight anyways, I’m having dinner with my girlfriend Jenny.” He explained, his smile quickly falling from exuberant to apologetic and leaving Keith with a rather nauseous feeling in his gut.

“Oh.”

“But some other time maybe? Next week for sure!” Lance proposed.

Keith simply nodded, going back to letting Lance fill the void with one-sided conversation and trying to ignore the strangely familiar sense of disappointment spreading through his chest.

 

\--------------

 

Keith had to reread the board a couple times before the news finally sank in.

_Class Pilot Rankings as of x/x/xxxx (based on simulation training averages):_

  1. _Keith Kogane_
  2. _James Griffin_
  3. _Lance McClain_



 He was top of his class. After barely six months, Keith had somehow surged past his fellow cadets and made a place for himself in their rankings. At the top of their rankings. He didn’t know what to think.

Keith wasn’t a particularly cocky or prideful person. He didn’t really care what place he was in as long as he wasn’t failing, and despite Lance’s goading, he’d never been very competitive. But he still couldn’t help but feel some level of satisfaction at the sight of his name in the first spot, because it meant that Shiro had been right not to give up on him. And he hadn’t given up on himself either. He’d found his place at the Garrison the way Shiro hoped he would, and making the only person he considered as his family happy was important to him.

He wondered if Shiro had seen the updated midterm rankings yet. Possibly, but since Keith wasn’t his student there was a chance it was still a surprise to him. And Keith really wanted to see the look on his face when he told him.

He quickly turned and jogged back down the central hall, heading toward the instructor wing in hopes of finding Shiro or Adam on break. If not, he would likely have to go to the airstrip deck and see if Shiro was busy making adjustments to the hoverbikes like he often did in his spare time.

“Hey McClain, where are you crawling off to?” Keith’s legs slowed down at the familiar voice coming from the side hall he’d just passed, and he came to a stop before he could reason with himself to ignore it and keep going.

“None of your business, Griffin.”

That was definitely Lance’s voice. And it sounded…watery. Keith’s heart clenched up at the sadness coming from his friend’s usually overjoyed voice, and he turned on his heel to peer around the corner. He could see Lance and James stopped in the center hall facing opposite directions, with James holding Lance back with a firm grip on his shoulder.

“What, you can’t look me in the face now that I’ve surpassed you again? What happened to that ego of yours? The one you’ve been inflating off all our failures for months now? Where’d _that_ go?” James’s voice was harsh but still serious despite how demeaning his words were. It was more like he was interrogating Lance rather than bullying him, even if either were correct in this scenario.

 “Shut up man, just let me go already! Go to someone else if you want to gloat so bad.” Lance snapped, trying to shove his hand off, only for James to switch tactics and suddenly grip his uniform collar.

“Hey, I’m not here to gloat, I’m not you—” James suddenly stopped berating Lance and his expression fell to one of shock. “Wait, are you crying? Seriously? You’re crying over this?!” And sure enough, he was right. Keith could see the light reflecting off the dampness seeping from the corners of Lance’s eyes, and the redness of his cheeks that said he’d been crying for a while before this.

“Let go asshole, I’m not in the mood!” Lance tried to yell, but his voice was too worn and ragged. He bit down on his lip as if attempting hold down a sob, but it only came off as a more pitiful sounding hiccup. James scoffed and shook his head in disbelief.

“I can’t believe you. You boast about how you’re so damn great for months and the moment you lose your title you become a baby! What, do you suddenly hate Keith now too? The guy you ended up tutoring surpasses you and you just can’t take it. I bet he’s happy he doesn’t have to deal with your obnoxious voice yelling in his ears all the time now that he knows he’s better than y---”

The sound of James’s body hitting the floor was what brought Keith’s senses back into focus. Red slowly seeped from his vision, and the loud ringing started to fade from his ears. He was having trouble breathing through the wad of pent up, furious words lodged in his throat, the weight of which was suffocating him. He didn’t even recognize the pain in his fist, or the way Lance was pulling on his arm, telling him they needed to get out of there. Keith wasn’t ready to leave yet though, because James was standing up again and he wasn’t about to let that heinous mouth that had once touched his own spout another bad word about Lance.

It took about 10 minutes for the instructors to get through the gathering crowd of students to break up the fight, and by then, James had secured himself a broken nose, a cracked tooth and two black eyes that would easily keep him out of piloting simulations for at least a week. Keith, on the other hand, had earned a scratched-up, bruised cheek and two broken fingers as his victory prize.

The most either of them got from the instructors was a cold compress before they were sent to Admiral Sandas to receive their punishment. Keith expected expulsion and was fully prepared to take it too. He’d resigned himself to his fate in the desert long ago, and one menial inkling of hope like a top-piloting position didn’t really change that. If he was kicked out, he would just go back to protecting Blue like he always did and just tell Shiro and the Garrison to mind their own business.

He knew James would be ready to kill him the second any such ruling was laid down, and all Keith could think of was that he would happily continue what they’d started once they were thrown out on their asses and he didn’t have the Garrison play-pen holding him back.

When he entered the office, he was surprised to find that Shiro was there. He looked disappointed, and any earlier hopes of seeing a happy, proud smile from him were quickly sapped away. Keith wasn’t expelled, if only thanks to Shiro vouching for him, but he was on probation and would not be allowed to attend classes for a week. Instead he would be resigned to staying alone in his dorm under house arrest when he wasn’t doing laps on the rec field at dawn and dusk, under Iverson’s supervision.

Keith could think of far worse punishments and he put up no arguments. His lecture from Shiro was brief, thankfully, since he had a class to get to. He assured Keith he wasn’t getting away from it though, and that he should prepare himself for that night, especially once Adam learned. In the meantime, Keith was dropped off at the clinic to have his broken fingers treated and to get a pain medicine prescription.

The nurse wasn’t exactly kind, but she wasn’t rude either and Keith was grateful for the lack of needless chatter as his fingers were numbed up and uncomfortably repositioned before being locked into a splint. They were just finishing up his wrappings when suddenly the curtain surrounding his cot was pushed back and Lance was standing there.

“Keith! You’re—you’re still here-!” Lance was both out of breath and disbelieving and Keith scoffed bitterly as the nurse let go of his newly cast finger and left them to their privacy.

“Yeah, thanks to Shiro. I’m just as surprised as you are, honestly.” He mumbled, looking up when the bed shifted and Lance sat next to him, his expression fraught with unspoken worry.

Keith suddenly felt a wave of guilt as he realized how childishly he behaved. His reckless actions could have gotten Lance in trouble too, had Shiro likely not known better and was certain Keith had thrown the first punch, being who he was. This wasn’t the first time he’d lost control of his anger and decked a kid on school grounds, and the slight protrusion of his fangs that was still present in his mouth was a very sobering reminder of just what he really was.

 Still, Keith knew he shouldn’t have even gotten so involved in the first place, it wasn’t like Lance couldn’t defend himself. In all their time of being ‘rival buddies’ as Lance called it, he’d seen just how strong-willed his friend really was. But at the same time…he’d never seen Lance cry. And the sight of those tears had driven all logic from his head.

“I’m sorry. I overheard what he was saying, and I acted without thinking. I shouldn’t have forced myself in the situation like that.” Keith said, his fists clenching and unclenching on his knees.

“It wasn’t true you know.”

Keith looked over to see Lance was staring at his own lap with a forlorn expression on his face. He’d been expecting for his friend to nag him, or at least tease him for being so quick to anger as always. The uncharacteristic calmness was confusing.

“I’m sorry..?”

“What he said about me resenting you, or being mad I lost my top spot. It wasn’t true. I get it if you don’t believe me, since I kinda bragged about it a lot, but that’s not why I was upset at all.” He explained, his voice taking on that level, listless tone it often did when Lance was sad or feeling especially distant.

“I believe you.” Keith had no reason not to, he had learned to tell when Lance was faking a smile or saving face, and this wasn’t one of those times. “But if that’s the case, then… why were you crying?”

Lance sighed heavily and ran his fingers through his hair, another habit of his that showed his distress.

“I uh…well Jenny sorta broke up with me.” Lance’s words were directed at the ceiling and said with a tone of casualness that just didn’t meet his eyes. Keith hated the mix of concern and weird happiness he felt at that news and he looked back at his lap again.

“Oh…I’m sorry to hear that.” He cringed at how dull and emotionless his words were and how they were partially insincere because some part of him liked that Lance was suddenly single.

Keith hated himself for being so selfish.

“Yeah she uh…said she got bored of me. Can’t really say I blame her all that much.” Lance conceded, and Keith gave him a look.

“What are you talking about?”

Lance shrugged and glanced over at him with an awkward, unfitting smile.

“Well I mean, I don’t really have anything all that special about me. Like…I don’t really have a thing, you know? I’m not crazy smart or creative, and yeah, I got the top pilot spot, but I could only hold it for a couple months, where Griffin held it all of last year. I only really got it because he slipped up and had an engine failure during that test…it wasn’t really because I did better than him.” He explained, and Keith was abruptly aware of the fact that Lance was dealing with the loss of his girlfriend and the title he prided himself on in the same day.

He couldn’t imagine the damage all of that had done to the other’s self-confidence, which was notably frailer than Keith had ever realized before.

And he couldn’t stand to let it break so easily.

“That’s not true Lance.” Keith couldn’t get himself to make eye contact while he spoke, so he just stared at the ceiling and tried to focus on being honest. “There are a lot of things about you that are special. No one here was able to make me laugh until I met you. And you’ve introduced me to so many people. You keep the whole class together and everyone can see it.” Keith said, his voice surprisingly calm despite his racing heartbeat.  “You got the top spot because you earned it and you worked hard, and you’re the farthest thing from boring out there. If Jenny couldn’t see that, then she wasn’t worth it. And if you can’t see it, then I’ll do everything I can to help you till you do.” Keith swallowed once the words were out and felt heat steadily climbing up his face till it threatened to overwhelm him.

Maybe he’d been a little too sincere. But when he finally looked over at Lance to see if he’d maybe crossed the ‘friend’ line a bit too far, he was thrown off by Lance suddenly pulling him into his arms. Keith was tense from the tip of the nose to his fingers and he could feel heat climbing over everything inch of his face. The last hug he’d gotten had been from Shiro on his birthday, and that had been awkward enough. But this was something that he had no idea how to react to.

“Thanks man…that…you don’t know how much that means to me.” Lance mumbled into his neck, and by the time Keith had garnered the courage to wrap his arms around him in return, Lance had already pulled back. “Congrats on getting the top spot by the way. You did awesome on the last test, you deserve it.” he assured, and Keith smiled softly. Of course Lance was trying to encourage others even when he was hurting. That’s just who he was.

“Thanks. I was hoping to tell Shiro, but I don’t think he’ll be as proud of me now…”

“Don’t sweat it, I know he will. He’ll never stop being proud of you. But you better tell him soon.” Keith raised a brow, a knowing smile flitting across his lips.

 “And why’s that?”

Lance smirked at him and suddenly raised his fist in a challenging sort of way, his tears long forgotten in the wake of that grin.

“Because I’m going to be taking my spot back before you know it. Don’t get too comfortable, mullet!”

And Keith laughed in that way only Lance could make him.

 

\--------------

 

“Takashi, how important am _I_ to you?”

Keith had to cover his mouth when he heard that line because oh man, Shiro was definitely in the dog house. Adam was a very level-headed person who rarely let his temper get out of control, a far cry from Keith. But at that moment, it was obvious from the tightness in his voice and the sound of his coffee cup slamming on the counter that he was _angry_.

“Don’t start this again Adam, you don’t have to protect me!”

He desperately wanted to lean out and try and peer into the break room, just to see their expressions, but every logical brain cell kept his muscles locked in place and his breathing leveled so he wouldn’t be detected. This was the second time he’d done this today, but his stealth skills were a tad rusty since he wasn’t constantly patrolling darkened caverns anymore.

“I know I can’t stop you. But I won’t go through this again. If you decide to go…don’t expect me to be here when you get back.”

Those words had Keith’s heart dropping into his stomach like a lead stone, and all he could do was stare at his shoes as his world suddenly spun off its axis.

Adam just broke up with Shiro.

Or at least, that’s what it sounded like. Keith could hear Adam getting up and he quickly made his escape, jogging down the hall and leaving the instructor wing of the building.

Keith wasn’t sure what to do at first. This really wasn’t his business. But he knew he had to at least confront Shiro about the illness he’d been hiding. Because as far as Keith was concerned, that _was_ his business.

And like it or not, he’d be damned if he let Adam walk out on them because Shiro was being stupid.

Keith waited until it was Shiro’s free period before quickly making his way to the flight deck. Seeing as Adam and him had just split off and were likely avoiding one another, there was only one place that he could be.

Shiro seemed surprised when Keith came forward and confronted him about his illness. He thankfully didn’t try to scold Keith for listening in, but to be fair he didn’t have a leg to stand on since he’d been hiding a terminal illness for years now, since they’d even first met.

“Admiral Sandas doesn’t want me up there. Neither does Adam.” Shiro admitted, frustration flitting across his gaze as he stared at the hoverbike he’d been working on.

Now or never.

“Well, obviously!” Keith said, his voice coming out a bit harsher than he meant it to. Shiro turned to him with raised eyebrows, but Keith persisted past the initial shock.

“Shiro, you and Adam have been together for as long as I’ve known you. I may not have been around people much growing up, but you guys are the happiest couple I’ve ever seen besides my parents. You love each other, right?”

Shiro nodded, looking rather forlorn.

“Then it makes sense that Adam doesn’t want you to go. He doesn’t want to get in the way of your dream, he just doesn’t want you to die! And neither do I…”

Shiro sighed heavily and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Keith, I get that, I do. But Kerberos has been my goal since I aced my first flying exam. This is everything I’ve worked towards.” he argued. Keith shrugged his shoulders, feeling both sympathetic and annoyed with Shiro’s stubbornness.

“So what? You want to go off into space and leave us with nothing but your legacy? Shiro, we aren’t some Garrison buffs who are going to praise you for dying in space like an honorable soldier. We’re your family.”

Shiro looked taken aback by that. Honestly, Keith was too. He’d never referred to Shiro as anything but a mentor and friend until that point. But he wasn’t about to dwell and let embarrassment catch up to him.

“Look. Neither of us can stop you. Adam knows that. But…for a moment, don’t think about what you’d be giving up if you stayed. Think about what you’d gain. I know you’ve been wanting to propose to Adam for a while. And going to Kerberos means you’re throwing that chance away. You won’t get it back again.”

Shiro looked conflicted, and Keith felt bad for making subtle jabs at the argument they’d just had and his separation with Adam, but this seemed to be the only way to get Shiro to actually think outside of the cockpit of the Kerberos spaceship for a moment.

“Think of the life you and Adam can have. Yeah, maybe you only have a few more good years left. But they’ll be years spent with your _husband_ instead of on the other side of the solar system getting stupid rock samples. And it’s not like you won’t be able to do great things. Everyone here already sees you as the Garrison hero. Hell, weren’t they talking about naming a new ship prototype after you?”

“I think Sam was joking about that.”

“Doesn’t matter. Everyone here respects you, you don’t need to have one last ‘hoorah’ to prove yourself. If you really want to do something spectacular, hurry up and put a ring on it, dummy!”

Keith took a breath once he was done and he gave Shiro a steady look. There was a moment of consideration on his face, and Keith had a horrible sinking feeling in his gut when his Shiro’s eyes narrowed, and he shook his head.

He wasn’t going to listen. He was—

“I’m going to go talk to Adam.”

Keith’s eyes widened as Shiro pushed passed him before he suddenly broke into a dead sprint off the flight deck. Keith watched him go with a flicker of a smile on his face.

Shiro proposed to Adam while star-gazing on the roof of the Garrison a week later.

Shiro thanked Keith the next day for putting him back in his senses, but Keith simply shook his head and told him he wasn’t about to give up on his brother.

 

\--------------

 

Keith was about knee deep in his astro-bio text-book, when Lance leaned over and sniffed him.

That immediately ripped his attention away from his studies and had Keith reeling back to look at his friend sitting on the bed beside him.

“Dude, why do you smell like lavender?”

Pidge and Hunk looked up from where they were sitting on the floor and Keith flushed slightly as all the attention in the room was suddenly on him. Their bubble of concentration had been broken in an instant and unless Keith coughed up some answers, they weren’t getting it back anytime soon.

Keith dog-earred the page in his textbook before closing it and focusing on his friends.

“I’ve been…helping Shiro and Adam with their wedding planning.” He admitted, rubbing the back of his neck and stealthily sniffing his arm to see if the smell was really that strong.

It was.

“Really? How’s that been going?” Lance asked while setting his own textbook aside, either genuinely intrigued, or eager for a distraction from his studies. Probably both.

Keith sighed heavily and set his own book on top of Lance’s, resigned to the vent session he so desperately needed.

“It’s been hell. Adam is such a perfectionist we have to redo everything at least three times before it’s right, and once he makes a decision on something, there is no turning back. Shiro’s so hopelessly whipped he just lets him do what he wants.” Keith complained, leaning back on the wall of Lance and Hunk’s dorm and running a hand through his hair. “I spent all day folding wedding invitations again because Adam hated the font of the first batch and had them reprinted. And when he mentioned wanting them to be a bit more special, Shiro made the genius suggestion that we make them smell like lavender. I’ve been spraying parchment since 9 in the morning.”

Pidge cringed and sat up from where she’d been bent over her laptop, pushing her bangs from her face and adjusting her glasses.

“That sounds about right. Matt said that one-time Adam complained that the Garrison’s tea supply never tasted right, so Shiro drove like 20 miles to get him his favorite brand even though he didn’t ask.” She said, shrugging and leaning back on her hands. If her tone was slightly pained when talking about her brother, no one mentioned it. “It just sucks for you because you don’t have the love bug to blind your suffering.”

Lance hummed and suddenly laid back on the bed, throwing his legs over Keith’s casually.

“Oh come on, I’m sure it isn’t all bad. Honestly, I’ve always wanted to help with a wedding, but Veronica is too busy with work to even date and Marco got married my first year here, so I could only go to the ceremony.” Lance turned his head and smiled at Keith in a way that made his heart stutter in his chest for a moment. “I don’t mind helping you if you want. I love the smell of lavender!”

Keith chuckled and pat Lance’s legs. At one point he’d found Lance’s casual touchiness awkward and difficult to cope with, but after almost two years of knowing him, he’d sort of gotten used to it. Even begun to like it a little.

“Well I’ll let you know the next time they decide to recruit me for free labor. Just be prepared to have to redo literally everything.” He mused, and Lance laughed. Keith turned back in time to catch the tail end of Pidge and Hunk sharing a look, but when he raised an eyebrow at them, Pidge simply shrugged her shoulders and held up her computer which had the menu screen for a mid-century superhero movie on it.

“Well I think I’m done cramming for finals today. Who wants to start movie night?” Lance immediately stood with and excited bounce and eager grin.

“Ooh me! Keith and I will make the blanket fort!”

“I’ll get the snacks!” Hunk said, quickly bailing from the room to gather pre-made treats from the cadet kitchens.

30 minutes later, Lance and Hunk’s dorm had been turned into a wonderland of pillows, blankets and filtered desk lamps to make the ideal movie watching conditions that the group had perfected over their many cram sessions together. Lance dove for the middle as always and Hunk passed around popcorn and little cookie bites as they watched another older, reused plot with an overhyped hero and generic hetero romance playout. Lance seemed to be the only one into it, but then again, it had been his turn to pick the movie that night.

By the time the credits were rolling, Hunk and Pidge were already asleep, and Lance had started to doze off on Keith’s shoulder. This had become common occurrence at the recent movie nights, and every time Keith never knew how he was supposed to react, so he stayed stock-still until Lance either woke up and moved away with a mumbled apology, or his own body became too heavy with exhaustion to hold them both upright.

“Man…I can’t believe Shiro’s getting married.”

Keith jumped when Lance spoke, not having expected him to still be awake. Why Lance still had his head on his shoulder if his was conscious was beyond him.

“I…yeah. Took him long enough.” Keith said, his voice coming off more awkward than he would have liked

“Yeah…I mean it’s just crazy. I’ve known about him since I was a kid still looking at glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling. And now I’m gonna see him in a suit and tie saying ‘I do’. I still can’t believe he invited all of us.”

Keith shrugged his free shoulder and watched the way the popcorn bowl rose and fell in time with Hunk’s breathing where it rested on his stomach.

“I mean, you guys are my friends. And he’s seen enough of you to like you. It’s not really surprising.” Lance only hummed in response and a long silence followed between them in which Keith felt certain he must have said something wrong or made things awkward somehow. He was about to say they should go to bed, but Lance interrupted.

“You ever think everything is happening too fast?” He asked softly. Keith’s eyes narrowed and he tried to get a proper look at Lance despite the awkward angle.

“What do you mean?”

Lance paused again and looked over at Pidge and Hunk before suddenly grabbing Keith’s hand and standing as much as the blanket fort would allow.

“C’mon, over here.” He led them out of their pillowy sanctuary and into the soft chill of night that greeted them as they walked over to Lance and Hunk’s abandoned bunk-bed. They quickly took residence in Hunk’s bottom bunk before Lance felt comfortable enough to speak again.

“I mean…we’re already halfway through the program here. In 5 years, we’ll be graduating and be expected to like…get our life together and stuff. But I still don’t feel like anything’s changed, you know?” Lance said, still keeping his voice soft so it would travel back through the wall of blankets now separating them from their friends. Keith pulled his legs up and stared at Lance thoughtfully.

“I…I mean I guess. But it’s not like we have to have everything figured out now.” He pointed out. Lance shook his head, his eyebrows creased in frustration.

“Yeah, but we’re supposed to be on some kinda path by now, right? I mean, Pidge only just got here, but she’s following in her brother’s footsteps and is already helping with basic programming for the drone department in her spare time. Hunk has been doing engineering for the latest run of ships because he’s the best in the course. And look at you! You’ve been top pilot for like a year now and you’re going to start interning with Shiro over the summer. You’ll be on your first orbit mission by the fall! And I….I haven’t done…anything.”

Keith could feel a familiar drop in his gut when Lance started shaming himself again. It wasn’t often, but when it did happen it was only between the two of them. Keith tried not to think about why Lance never went to Hunk with this stuff. He just liked to believe he was doing this friend thing right somehow.

“Lance that’s not true. You’ve—”

“It is true, Keith!” Lance snapped, only realizing he’d gotten too loud when Hunk’s snoring faltered for a moment, before picking up one heart-stopping second later. Lance stared down at his lap and gripped at his ankles where his legs were crossed.

“It’s not just school stuff…ever since Jenny and I broke up, no other girl has even given me the time of day. I just feel so—frustrated! What if I graduate and I can’t get a job? What if I never get another girlfriend and I just end up alone? What if I never see any of you guys again??? What if—mmph!” Lance’s next few words were muffled by Keith’s hand before he suddenly had his head pulled down to rest on his shoulder.

“Lance ssshh stop, you’re worry over nothing. Just take a deep breath.” Keith urged, gently rubbing his friends back and trying to get him to breathe normally again. He heard Lance emit a soft whining noise, and Keith realized that he was trying to stop himself from crying. “It’s okay…you know you can let it out with me.” He murmured. Lance hiccuped and nodded, but when he spoke his voice still sounded strained.

“I know I shouldn’t complain. Pidge is going through so much worse right now. I mean, with what happened on Kerberos…her brother and her Dad…” Lance trailed off and Keith took a shuddering breath himself. Kerberos was a rough topic for everyone right now. And Keith hated that some part of him was at peace in all this upset, because he’d managed to stop Shiro from going. If he hadn’t…he couldn’t imagine feeling all that Pidge was going through in that moment. Losing her brother…her family.

“Lance, you can’t compare your own pain to someone else’s. Pidge is going through a lot, and we’re going to help her, but that doesn’t make what you’re feeling any less meaningful.” He pointed out. Lance shook his head and swallowed before speaking, his voice thick with pent up emotion.

“I know….I guess I’m just…really freakin scared, you know? I don’t want to go out into the world with nothing…I don’t want to be alone.” Keith nodded in understanding. Being alone in the world was a feeling Keith was far too familiar with, and one he’d never wish on anyone, especially not Lance. He could feel the other breathing shakily against his neck, debating on his next words, and he opted to let Lance fill the silence in whatever way he needed. His voice was becoming so much smaller, Keith wondered if it came from Lance at all.

“I’m scared of losing you. You’re the closest friend I’ve ever had. You make me feel less…alone. But soon you’ll be off on missions and I’ll be stuck here and then we’ll graduate and then what?” Lance demanded, his fists clenching tight in Keith’s shirt. Keith could feel his heart starting to race at Lance’s words, and it was beating so hard he was scared Lance could feel it under his hands. Now wasn’t the time for that traitorous warm feeling to bloom in his chest and all he could do was hold Lance tighter and try to fight down his fluttering emotions.

“It won’t be that way. I’ll call you every night, if you want. I don’t want to lose you either, Lance.” Keith admitted as his fingers continually stroked through soft brown hair.

Lance tightened his hold for a moment and took a shuddering breath before letting go and pulling back. He rubbed at the corners of his eyes and kept his gaze pointedly turned away.

“Yeah I guess. Sorry for getting all emotional on you. That was weird.”

Something still wasn’t right. Keith could see it in the way Lance’s smile didn’t reach his eyes and his hands were shaking just slightly.

“We should go to bed.”

Keith didn’t know what spurred him on in that moment.

Maybe it was all the cliché chick flicks Lance had them watch during movie night that told him this was the best way to convey his feelings.

Maybe it was his own impatience catching up to him that made him throw caution to the wind.

All he knew in that moment was that he didn’t want to lose Lance either, and if the way his gut was stirring said anything, then this was the right thing to do. And his gut hadn’t betrayed him yet.

The kiss was awkward.

Keith had caught Lance’s cheek right as he was getting ready to stand so the angle was off and skewed and left them both floundering a bit. Lance made a muffled noise of surprise that had Keith’s heart plummeting into his gut a half second after their lips touched.

Was this not the right thing to do? Was Lance going to shove him away? What if he didn’t even like boys? Flashbacks to the fifth-grade dance and his first kiss with James had panic flooding his system, and Keith’s thoughts were going so haywire, he didn’t immediately realize that Lance had wrapped his arms around his neck and was practically in his lap in his desperation to return the gesture.

The relief that washed over him was quickly turned to desire when Lance cupped his cheek in return and started to suck and lick at this bottom lip. Clearly, he had done this before, but the fact that he was out of practice, and with Keith’s overall lack of experience, things quickly got a little messy. Keith had to pull back first because he was starting to feel lightheaded with lack of air, but he didn’t dare let go of Lance. If anything, he pulled closer.

Lance was grinning, still a bit teary eyed, and with streaks of moonlight basking his warm skin in an ethereal glow that made him look like a dream. A far more beautiful dream than Keith’s mind could ever fabricate, and the sight left him awestruck and speechless.

“Dude…this better not be your version of best friends. Because if I find out you do this with Hunk too, I’m gonna be pissed.” Lance said, voice light and amused.

Keith was mildly flustered, realizing in that moment what all he’d just initiated.

“Wh-No I—” Lance cut him off by cupping his cheek again and leaning in close to breathe on his lips.

“Good…” He kissed him again and Keith’s heart sored because Lance Espinosa McClain was kissing him. Lance McClain was running his fingers through his hair and moaning into his mouth. Lance liked him. And the high he felt in that moment couldn’t ever be outmatched by even the most successful hoverbike cliff dive.

When they parted again, Keith pulled Lance further onto his lap and pressing his nose to his neck. Now that the initial shock was fading, he felt almost giddy to have the boy he’d liked for so long right there in his arms.

“So…can I be your boyfriend?” He asked, almost shy all of a sudden. Lance laughed and kept petting and nuzzling Keith in return.

“Uh, I think you’re supposed to ask that before the all the lip-macking. But yes. I’d like that.” Keith smiled into his neck and squeezed Lance until he got a choked giggle from the other.

“I'll always protect you.” He murmured against his lips.

They were the same words that haunted him since he was 13 years old. Words that had been tainted by betrayal and heartbreak. He never thought those words could hold meaning for him since the day he’d heard her last goodbye.

But Keith made a promise to himself in that moment.

He would never let those words become a lie again.

 

\--------------

 

“So, uh…with that said- a toast! To Shiro and Adam. I hope you continue to find happiness with each other.”

The entire reception erupted in cheers and whistles as Keith’s best man speech ended, and he quickly made his escape from the podium aside the chorus of clinking glasses. He sighed heavily with relief and noticed Shiro and Adam getting up from the reception table to hug him. He gladly accepted the gesture and before he could meet Shiro halfway, his brother was pulling him in and thanking him tearily for his kind words. Keith tried not to notice how Shiro only hugged with his left arm now. It wasn’t the day to worry about things like that. Adam joined in their hug and rough up the back of Keith’s hair as per usual.

“Thank you, Keith…I know how you don’t like speaking in front of groups like that. I’m so proud of you for going through with it. It means so much.”

Now Keith could feel himself tearing up a little too, because the realization that he would be able to call them both his official guardians, thanks to some recently signed documentation, was finally setting in. The wedding all but tied their little family together with a crisp, red bow.

“You should thank Lance, I wouldn’t have been able to do it without him.” Keith assured as they parted back a step, but stayed close enough to hear each other over the rising cacophony of the wedding band and drunken chatter.

Keith was indeed proud of himself for going through with the speech, even if he’d been trying to evade his fate up until the very last second before he was called to the stage. But he owed all of it to Lance really. He by no means was a good public speaker, and Lance had spent enough time coaching him through writing, re-writing and practicing his speech for the past 3 months to know that too. But he’d been determined to get him at that podium. And somehow while Keith had been up there, it felt like the room hung on to his every half mumble and stammer, intrigued by his words and what Shiro and Adam really meant to him. 

And that felt good. He was happy he’d been able to get his feelings out in the open for once, something he was still learning how to do with help of his boyfriend.

Speaking of, Keith could see Lance sitting nearby, fiddling with the stem of an empty champagne glass and smiling wistfully as if deep in thought. He looked so handsome in his white tux, and really only Lance could pull off a look that was so traditionally dated and make it look stunning. Keith wandered back to their table, smiling when Lance noticed him and quickly pocketing the notecards he’d used for his speech inside his suit jacket.

 “Lance! Wow, it’s finally over… I need a drink.” Keith confessed as he got to the table and sat down beside him. He went to sip from his own glass, only to find it empty.

“Lance, did you drink my champagne?”

“Maybe.”

“Seriously? The reception just started, you might want to slow down.” Keith scolded lightly, a smile still flitting at the corner of his lips as he grabbed a nearby bottle and refilled his glass. Lance hummed as he watched him, running his fingers over the rim of his own.

“I don’t think I want to slow down.” He mumbled. Keith looked up in time to see Lance leaning in and he met him in the middle, pressing their lips together and tasting bittersweet champagne. He parted enough to see Lance’s slightly bloodshot eyes, red rimmed from crying during the reception no matter how he tried to hide it. Keith chuckled and gave him another soft peck.

“What do you mean, love?” he asked, cupping Lance’s cheek when he noticed him smiling but trying to divert his gaze. “Lance, what? You looked like you had something on your mind earlier. Tell me.” Keith said, getting a little more firm with him. Lance eventually gave in with a soft sigh and held his hand over Keith’s where it was pressed to his cheek.

“I know it’s silly, but I’ve kinda been keeping up and…well. Next week’s the one-year anniversary of us becoming a thing. I was wondering if we should do something special for it, you know?” He said, obviously a bit wary that Keith might tease him over being diligent about something like that when Lance was prone to not even keep track of his own class schedule half the time. Keith chuckled and moved his hand from Lance’s cheek as he sat back, opening his mouth to answer before getting cut off by the soft beep of his pager.

He pulled out the little round device he always kept with him and quickly checked the screen. Green. Nothing to worry about.]

“What, another squirrel on your porch?” Lance asked, sounding amused and maybe a little annoyed Keith had diverted his attention so fast. Lance never liked the way Keith clung to the pager, and Keith had long since told him it was a sensor to protect his desert shack because what else could he say? Lance seemed to believe it at least. Keith quickly pocketed the pager once more.

“It’s nothing. And sure, that sounds like a good idea.” Keith conceded, going back to pretending the pager didn’t exist while standing and holding out his hand to Lance who just looked confused. “Why don’t we talk about it over a dance?”

Lance raised a speculative brow at Keith, clearly thinking his boyfriend was either joking or had genuinely gone off the deep end at that point.

“You? Dancing? Since when?” he asked, but took Keith’s hand all the same and allowed himself to be led out onto the semi-crowded dancefloor.

“Since you started teaching me. Sure, this isn’t the salsa, but I think I can manage.” He said, setting one arm around Lance’s waist and joining their hands to start a casual bob and sway to the not-quite-slow, not-quite-fast love song that was playing.

“So what kind of special thing did you want to do?” Keith asked, keeping half his focus on Lance and half on the rest of the room to make sure they didn’t bump into anyone.

“I was maybe thinking a road trip. We’re going to be on summer break soon, and ever since I got to the states I haven’t really left the Garrison.” Lance admitted, casually twirling Keith who laughed at the gesture.

“Yeah that sounds like a plan.  I’ve always wanted to visit South Fornia and New Nevada. Heard they have great scenery, and I’d like to draw more than just the desert for once.” Keith confessed. Honestly, he would have been fine if something special just meant baking a cake with Hunk. He was happy as long as Lance was happy, but a vacation did sound kind of nice. Keith had never been out of the state himself, and never felt too comfortable with the idea of leaving since he had a universe protecting destiny to uphold.

But in his almost 4 years of knowing Shiro, the man had proven that he and his small private squadron of Garrison officers were more than capable of protecting the Blue Lion while keeping her presence secret from the remainder of the facility. They’d thwarted the Galra together no less than 3 times, 2 of which had been properly dealt with before Keith could even grab his bike and race over to the cave to help.

Not to mention, there hadn’t been any sign of Galra interference in over a year; so long that Keith felt he could allow himself the freedom of a trip away from Blue and the South Zona desert. But it was the thought of leaving Shiro alone now of all times that didn’t sit right with him

“Maybe we can invite Shiro and Adam to come too. Didn’t you say they didn’t have honeymoon plans?” Lance asked, as if reading his mind. Keith suddenly felt the warmth in his chest turn a bit colder and he sighed, staring down at his feet as his steps slowed considerably.

“That….I don’t think we can invite them. I’d like to, but Shiro isn’t in any condition to really be traveling.” He admitted. Lance slowed more too, and Keith could see his matching frown from the corner of his eye.

“His disease…”

Keith nodded.

“Well…maybe he can get an exam or something to be sure. He needs to do something for his honeymoon, that’s like wedding law!” Lance argued, clearly still on the hopeful side. Keith wish he had his boyfriend’s level of optimism sometimes.

“Adam said he’s going to try and hike up to their old make-out point in the neighboring mountains for a picnic or something, but even that might be too much for him. His muscles are deteriorating pretty fast…he can’t even move his right arm anymore.” Keith felt his throat getting tight as he was once again reminded that he couldn’t do anything to fix Shiro, even after everything he’d done for him. It made him feel sick. Keith only absently noticed the way his eyes burned and looked up when he felt Lance’s thumb smearing the extra wetness away. His boyfriend smiled sympathetically and held his face in his hands.

“Hey…babe, it’s ok. None of this is your fault. It sucks that Shiro is struggling…but he has you and Adam to support him. This is his wedding day, he wouldn’t want you feeling sorry for him.” Lance said, and Keith knew he was right, nodding silently and nuzzling into him for comfort.

“I know…”

“It’s okay to be upset. But we’ll just have to do everything we can for him and let him and Adam celebrate however they want. I’ll make sure to buy them a ton of useless souvenirs, I want Shiro to have a shirt from every state!” Lance urged, and Keith chuckled and picked up their dancing pace again, holding his boyfriend closer.

“Adam will hate you for that, they hardly have room in their shared closet as is.” He noted.=

“Then he’ll just have to fight me over it. I’ve already decided!”

Keith laughed and once again, his chest felt light in that way only Lance could make it. He suddenly twirled his boyfriend and pulled him into a dip, not caring if they were off time with the current music.

“I love you.” He said, his words radiating all the devotion he could put into them as he pressed against Lance’s lips in a love drunk kiss. Lance smirked and returned the favor with equal passion, pulling back only so he could further bask in his lover’s gaze and hold him all the closer.

“Love you too, mullet.”

 

\--------------

 

Up until that point, Keith was certain the worst physical pain he’d ever felt was the burns that had scorched the entirety of his right arm in the fire that robbed him of his home and father. It was a harsh, searing pain that made itself known whenever he moved and breathed; surrounding him in agony and leaving him begging for unconsciousness to relieve his misery on nights where even the freezing desert air could offer no relief.

But such petty wounds were easily dwarfed by the gouged hole in his side that was bleeding out into the sand and dirt around him.

Keith was biting his lip to the point of bleeding just to hold in his agonized screams, unwilling to give the enemy the satisfaction of his pain even as they attempted to make off with a piece of the universe’s greatest weapon, while he lay there uselessly.

Five…five fighter ships had been too much for him to handle all at once. There had been a Galra solider in each of them, each one bigger and more robust than the last as they stepped onto earth’s dusty soil and approached the mouth of Blue’s cave.

Shiro had warned that if a red level alert went out on his pager, and he didn’t immediately contact Keith through the device, that he should try to contact Shiro or Adam instead before making any moves. That way Garrison support would be on their way and his safety could be guaranteed.

But Keith hadn’t listened. His pager had gone off at 4 in the morning and Keith had quickly fled his bed and left Lance to slumber alone while he deigned to live out the good old days of taking down the Galra as a one man show.

He’d only managed to slit one throat before he was taken out by a blaster in less than a minute.

The beam had partially cauterized the wound in his side, otherwise Keith was certain he would have bled out by now. Still, survival seemed unlikely. There was a burned-out hole in him, and saying he had internal bleeding was an understatement. And no help had come, even as the Galra began setting off detonators in hopes of blowing the cave wide open and scooping the Blue Lion out with it still in its force field.

Keith had to watch his shaky fingers uselessly push at the button on the back of his pager because he couldn’t feel them anymore.

He hated himself for keeping the pager in his belt, because it had been damaged in the blast and he could no longer tell if a signal was even able to reach Shiro anymore. He was so useless…even after all this time he hadn’t learned how to rely on anyone.

And now he was going to die pathetically in the desert, and Lance was none the wiser, still fast asleep in their bed. Honestly, he preferred it that way. He hoped his boyfriend would never have to learn the truth of how he died, he didn’t deserve that burden.

Keith could feel the faint warmth on his face as the sun began to rise and dawn bathed the sands in orange. It would have been peaceful, a serene atmosphere to pass to the next life in, had the sound of alien yelling and distant explosions not disrupted it so.

A detonator must have gone off near the mouth of the cave, because suddenly the air was dense with upset sand and debris that he was forced to breathe in. The clouds of dust blocked out the rising sun, and just as the pager flickered just out of the corner of his eyes, the soft sound of responding static tickling the ringing in his ears - Keith blacked out.

…

…

…

…

…

If this was the afterlife, it was incredibly underwhelming.

Keith could hear what sounded like white noise, while his eyes only saw black. There was this sense of drifting, and he would have thought he was asleep had everything not felt so…present. In the moment. Like he was still conscious but wasn’t, stranded in a bizarre purgatory he didn’t know how to describe except for unnerving. Gradually the white noise turned to what sounded to be human voices, only erased down to their bare cadence and tone. It felt like he was listening to a bustling crowd with no eardrums to process. Pure, fuzzy tone. Then the tone seemed to spiderweb and separate, becoming individual voices and sounds that were still too hard to decipher.

Some loud and booming, others sharp and piercing…. wet wailing, tight creaking…. but a steady beeping tone seemed to stand out amongst the rest, consistent and raw. It grew louder with every pulse of sound till, Keith felt like he could feel it in his bones and see it behind his eyelids. And then, by some miracle, he opened his eyes.

It took only a couple seconds to process grey Garrison walls and the beeping of a heart monitor. And connecting those two was much easier when he noticed a woman in a white lab coat out of the corner of his eyes. He was in the Garrison medical ward.

Keith still felt groggy, but he could vaguely tell the woman was saying something to him and then to some corner of the room. Shiro came into view a moment later, smiling in obvious relief. Keith could see how bruised he was even through his haze, but a few blinks cleared up what that weird stripe of white and dark, almost brown-red in the middle of his face was. A bandage.

“Keith…it’s good to see you awake. The doctor’s said you might be out for two days.” Shiro looked a little more reprimanding a moment later, “Trust you not to listen to that either.”

“Shiro…” Keith gagged on his own voice and groaned, trying to swallow and gladly accepting the water cup when it was offered to his lips.

“Take it easy. You lost a lot of blood. The doctors—oh. Hey Lance, I was just about to get you, Keith’s awake!” Shiro said, looking to the other side of the room. When he noticed Keith struggling to lift his head, Shiro carefully toggled the bed to incline more and stuffed some pillows behind him so he could see.

Sure enough, Lance was standing in the doorway, hugging himself despite the coat he wore. His face looked blotchy from crying and there were bags under his eyes from an obvious lack of sleep. He looked…miserable. Keith wanted him to come closer, so he could hug him and ask what was wrong, but Lance just wandered in like a zombie, standing well out of reach at the foot of Keith’s bed, and forcing a smile that looked honestly painful to keep up.

“I’m glad you’re up. I was…really worried.” He admitted, his voice unnaturally small. Keith hated this, he couldn’t read Lance at all and his behavior scared him because he seemed so…empty.

“How long have I been---"

“23 hours and 17 minutes.” Lance answered him abruptly, as if he’d been counting every second under his breath and just been waiting to say it out loud. Keith looked at the window and sure enough, the sun was rising the way it had been when it bathed his withered, dying body in its light the day before.

“We got you back here just in time. You were nearly on death’s door, the surgery took 7 hours just to stabilize you.” Shiro explained. Those words made Keith’s stomach roil, and he hated how difficult it was for him to even breathe without feeling a strong ache in his left side.

“We need to talk.” Shiro said simply. Keith finally turned away from the window, but when he looked back, he noticed Lance had gone back to the door without even looking at him twice.

“Breakfast opens at 5. I’m going to get us something” He said, his voice continuously dull and lifeless. Keith wanted to yell for him to come back, but before he could even inhale enough to get the words out, the door shut.

Sure enough, once Lance left, Shiro let him have it. He scolded Keith for going to the cave alone so foolishly and not even bothering to call for help even when he got there and saw there were too many fighters for him to handle. Shiro felt betrayed after trying to get Keith to trust and rely on him, only for it to have gone nowhere.

Now that he was sitting up, Keith could see that Shiro’s right arm was hanging uselessly in a sling and the sight of how purple and swollen the limb was made Keith wonder why Shiro wasn’t in a ward of his own. He chose not to ask, and instead apologized for his actions as best he could. He did trust Shiro, and wanted his trust in return, he’d just gotten too swept up in the adrenaline, having not faced a threat in over two years, and acted on reckless abandon instead of logic. Shiro forgave him and admitted that he was just happy that Keith was alive.

Apparently when the Garrison had arrived with support, they managed to disable four of the five ships and take out 2 of the 4 remaining Galra. One of them got away, but judging from their shaky piloting, they wouldn’t be able to go far, and the Garrison had already contacted several satellites to keep track of something like that leaving the atmosphere, as well as to keep it entirely confidential. As for the other Galra, the officers tried to take them in for questioning, but the soldier killed themselves before the officers could get close, proclaiming victory or death as they spilled their guts on the cave floor with their own blade.

The idea that one of the Galra had gotten away definitely didn’t sit right with Keith, but there was nothing he could do, and one straggler getting away was better than losing the Blue Lion. Apparently, her cave was pretty damaged, but not blown apart, and the Garrison would work on building a support system so that the cavern wouldn’t collapse in the meantime.

Then there was the other issue, which was that pretty much all of the Garrison officials beyond just Shiro, Adam and their private squad, knew of the Blue Lion now, and Admiral Sandas would likely try to discuss this with him soon. But that was a problem for another date.

Shiro tried to encourage him to sleep, but Keith knew that would be nearly impossible at this point, he was far too wired. He was grateful when Lance came back with food, even if it was mostly vending machine snacks because the cafeteria wasn’t completely open yet.

As he burned through a pack of cheap cookies, Keith noticed that chewing made the right side of his face throb angrily, and little investigation revealed there was a swatch of gauze bandage covering a good portion of his right cheek. He was hesitant to ask what exactly it was covering, so he didn’t and chose to ignore the pain in favor of filling his empty stomach.

He was about halfway through a bag of chips when Shiro made the excuse of having some business to attend to, and abruptly left the couple in an awkward silence filled only with the crinkle of plastic wrapping. Keith eventually stopped eating, his focus more on Lance who was standing at his bedside, just out of reach, and staring seemingly at nothing with his arms crossed.

“Lance…I’m sorry for scaring you. Are you alright? You don’t look like you’ve slept a wink.”

Lance just sighed, as if talking was a huge effort at the moment.

“I’m fine.”

“You know you can lay here with me. I really don’t mi---”

“I said I’m fine!"

Keith shut up when Lance snapped at him, and he noticed the way Lance suddenly looked like he was…really pissed. His eyebrows were knitted, he was gritting his teeth and Keith couldn’t remember ever inciting this part of his boyfriend before in all the 2 years they’d been dating.

“Lance…talk to me. Please…you know I’m not good at reading your mind.”

Lance closed his eyes for a moment and seemed to steel himself before finally looking up and making eye contact with Keith for the first time since he’d woken up.

“What’s going on, Keith?”

There was a pause of silence after that where Keith floundered, unsure of how to answer that. It was unusual for Lance not to beat around the bush at least a little before getting straight to the point.

“Uh, I’m sorry. I don’t know---"

“You know what I’m talking about, don’t lie to me! What the hell is going on?!” Lance was starting to yell now, and Keith leaned away, his heart clenching with anxiety from his boyfriend’s sudden anger.

“I—”

“Shiro wakes me up at 5:30 in the morning yesterday to tell me that you were practically blown in half and needed emergency surgery, and I’m expected not to ask how this even happened?? No one’s been giving me a straight answer this whole damn time! All I know is that my idiot boyfriend tried to do something stupid dangerous by himself again and nearly got killed for it and I’m expected to just move on?!”

Keith didn’t know how to respond, but he couldn’t make eye contact with Lance anymore, it was just too painful and he abruptly looked away. He flinched when something landed in his lap, only to recognize it as his busted-up pager, its screen cracked beyond all repair.

“You were clinging to that even during your surgery…no one could pry it from your fingers, but Shiro and I got it eventually.” Lance explained, before suddenly laughing with a bitter air. “You know, I really hate that thing. You’ve been inseparable from it since I met you and I never even bothered to think that you were lying to me about what it was actually for. I can’t believe I actually trusted you…sensors for your house, huh? Mind telling me what it’s _actually_ protecting?”

Keith swallowed and clenched the communicator in his fist again. Judging from the phantom pain of bruising in his palm, he really had been holding onto it like it was his only lifeline.

“I…I can’t. I’m sorry Lance, I can’t tell you.” He mumbled, and Lance laughed bitterly again. Somehow that noise was even more painful to hear than his crying.

“Don’t say sorry to me when you don’t even mean it. I’m not Shiro, I don’t take your excuses and pretend everything is fine. What the hell Keith, I thought you trusted me!”

“I’m just trying to protect you!” Keith looked up and realized a moment later that those were the wrong words to say. Lance was tense all over and red in the face and it was obvious he was trying desperately not to cry again.

“Protect me? I’m not the one with a hole in my gut and a missing kidney! We’re supposed to protect each other Keith, that’s what it means to be in a relationship!” Lance’s voice was beginning to crack, and Keith hated this. He hated being forced to feel guilty for trying to protect the universe and those he cared about.

“Well excuse me if I’m not as great in relationships as you are! You didn’t have to live by yourself without your parents, you have no idea what it’s like for me! This is the only way I know how to keep you safe!”

“I’m not going to play the pity-party game with you Keith! I know you had it rough, but I thought by now you’d know that you don’t have to do this shit alone anymore! You have a family! You have me!”

“This is too dangerous for you!”

“Quit trying to act like you’re stronger than me!”

“Well maybe I am!”

Keith clamped down on his cheek once the words were out and immediately cursed himself for being such a moron, but he was too stubborn to try and take the them back now. Lance looked like he’d taken a punch to the chest and had his heart bruised. A few tears slipped free, which he quickly wiped away until there were angry red spots on his cheeks.

“You know what? Fine. You are stronger than me. Everyone knows it. But screw me for wanting to be there for you.” he mumbled, suddenly picking up his overnight bag from the floor by the couch on the far wall, which Keith now realized had been set up as a make-shift bed.

“If pushing me away is your way of keeping me safe, then I guess you won’t have to worry about me anymore. I’m not doing this again Keith. I’m done.” Keith’s heart turned to ice at those words, and his brain was screaming at him to beg Lance to stay, but his stubbornness kept his jaw locked tight.

“Feel better” was the last thing Lance said before the door shut quietly behind him.

 

\--------------

 

Keith didn’t talk to Lance for two months. In that time, he’d recovered enough to be able to move on his own, and with physical therapy and Shiro’s constant attendance and encouragement, he eventually managed to start walking without such a heavy limp to his left side anymore.

Nerve damage meant it would probably always be there a little bit, but at least it wasn’t crippling. The missing kidney thing also hadn’t been such a big issue since, with the recent advancement’s medical tech, transplants weren’t as necessary in that day and age. He simply took medicine to regulate kidney function and had a tiny device inside him where his wound had been, that kept his internal organs in check.

Shiro had had to undergo some pretty intense surgeries too.

Apparently in his effort to take down the Galra, he’d used what little strength remained in his right arm and had broken nearly every bone. In the end, it was nothing more than a dead limb, and it had to be amputated.

Keith blamed himself of course, how could he not? But Adam and Shiro both assured him that it would have been amputated eventually anyways and that it wasn’t his fault. Keith didn’t really believe them, but whenever he fell into silent depression over it, Shiro liked to insist that his lack of arm and new nose scar made him look that much more badass. It made Keith smile, if only a little.

As Keith recovered, the Garrison became more persistent.

Admiral Sandas had come to talk to him in the hospital multiple times, and each time she was dissatisfied with Keith’s lack of any concrete information in regard to the Blue Lion and where it came from. She’s also asked him to remove the force field around the lion on multiple occasions and seemed that much more annoyed when Keith refused and said he couldn’t.

As much as he appreciated the Garrison’s help, there was no way he would ever hand the Blue Lion over to them. Just because he trusted Shiro and his officers, didn’t mean he trusted the other commanders.

He was also questioned about the Galra and what kind of people they were, which Keith also had very little information on. He didn’t dare mention he was half Galra himself, as he didn’t put it past these people to try and turn him into a lab rat and extend his hospital stay indefinitely.

Thankfully, after a month and a half of tedious therapy and questioning, Keith was allowed to return to his dorm.

His very empty dorm.

Shiro had mentioned that Lance had moved out within the first week and requested a transfer back to Hunk’s dorm, but some part of Keith had been expecting to at least find a piece of Lance remaining inside. But no, everything had been taken, from the multitude of mismatched socks that had intermingled with his own in the drawer, to the decorative fairy-lights Lance hung up around the room when he first moved in.

Their double bed was so cold without him, and Keith wondered if he should request to trade it out for a twin again, but that would mean accepting the reality that Lance was gone, and he just couldn’t.

Two weeks of classes with him were painful and awkward and Lance wouldn’t look at him or regard him in anyway. Hunk tried to pull Keith back into their little group at one point, mentioning that the big scar on his right cheek actually looked pretty cool, but Lance didn’t even have any opposing commentary for that and actually seemed to glare at the new facial feature before deeming it not worth his time. Interactions like this were frequent and uncomfortable, and whenever Keith was invited to join any of their conversations with by Hunk or Pidge, Lance would typically just make some excuse and abruptly leave.

Keith wanted to get mad at him for being so stubborn and not even trying to talk things out, but that just made him a hypocrite.

It was towards the end of the second month that Shiro made Keith aware of the fact that Blue’s cave had been completely stabilized. Of course, Keith immediately wanted to go see her and reassure himself that she was alright. Once he’d gotten permission from Shiro, as would be protocol until he could be trusted again, he’d borrowed the hoverbike keys and waited till the evening to make the trip.

Keith was jogging through the halls to leave, when he passed by Hunk and Lance’s dorm and felt his legs slow to a stop.

He didn’t let his brain sit and try to process pros and cons. Analysis had never been his forte anyways and at this point, if he let this opportunity slip he knew it would mean another month of dealing with the burgeoning hole of guilt and grief in his chest.

Keith knocked on the door.

“Hold on a minute!” It was Lance’s voice. Keith’s heart leapt to hear that voice addressed to him finally, even if it wasn’t intentional. He’d gone without it for far too long, he felt parched for it.

Keith jumped when the door suddenly slid open to reveal Lance in only boxer shorts and a tank top, looking behind him at something in the room and not paying attention at first.

“Pidge, I thought you had a spare……” Lance finally turned and realized who exactly stood in front of him, his voice trailing off and his eyes narrowing. “Key.”

Keith wanted to run away from the hurt and anger in those eyes, but he forced himself to stay firm, taking a deep breath before speaking.

“Come with me.”

Lance looked unfazed, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorway.

“Why?”

“Because I want to show you something.”

“Not interested.”

“It’s important.”

“Don’t care.”

Lance turned and was closing the door behind him, but Keith reached out and grabbed it before it could shut completely.

“I…I want to show you the reason I got hurt!”

Lance paused and looked over his shoulder, his eyes a bit wider with intrigue.

“Please… you can keep hating me after this, but let me show you at least.” Keith knew he was begging, which he never did. But he didn’t feel ashamed either. His pride meant nothing if he could somehow earn his only love’s forgiveness.                                         

Lance turned back to him and regarded Keith with a heavy look for a moment before nodding.

“Okay. Let me change first.”

Lance closed the door behind him again and Keith waited as patiently as he could, tapping his foot anxiously and hoping that Lance wasn’t just abandoning him on his doorstep in an attempt to make him feel that much more pathetic. But five minutes later he reappeared in jeans and a black indie band t-shit that Keith realized with surprise was actually his. If Lance was aware of this, he didn’t say so, and he simply shrugged on a zip-up hoodie to shield from the desert cold as he told Keith to lead the way.

Keith brought them out back where Shiro had gone and parked the hoverbike for him earlier, and he straddled the seat and turned on the engine while Lance followed and sat behind. They’d ridden on the hoverbike like this before, with Keith coasting them over the plateaus and showing Lance all the amazing views he loved the most, only to then pull some daring stunt to try and impress him, making Lance cling all the tighter and scream at him over the rushing winds.

Now Lance hardly held him at all, the arms around his waist barely putting any pressure or securing him in his seat. Even when Keith sped up, Lance didn’t give in and cling to him like normal and Keith tried not to let this distance between them distract his driving.

They were at the mouth of Blue’s cave, which was noticeably much wider, in about ten minutes. Lance had already dismounted before Keith even finished parking the bike and once he’d turned it off, he joined Lance in looking up at the cave which now had multiple steel bars tethering it to the ground to keep it in place.

“You sure this is safe?” Lance asked, his voice not sounding as worried as his question probably should have.

“Shiro said it was Garrison approved.”

Apparently, that was all he needed, because Lance started walking into the cave a moment later.

“If I get crushed in here because of you, I’m haunting your ass.” It was the first time he’d heard anything remotely resembling a joke come from Lance in weeks, but Keith couldn’t find it in himself to laugh and simply followed him inside.

He took the lead and directed them over to the narrow passage that would take them on the downward hike into Blue’s inner sanctum. As expected, it was even more narrow thanks to the areas of collapsed rock, and the stones were still damp as always, so it took them a little longer to make the journey. Lance had stubbornly refused to take Keith’s offered hand at first, but after slipping and nearly breaking his neck twice and hitting his head against the low hanging rock a few times, he gave in.

Keith didn’t want to think too much about the gesture, but it felt so nice to finally hold Lance’s hand again, it was all he could really even think about as they slowly left the mouth of the passage and walked into the flat clearing where Blue sat, waiting for them.

The aura coming from Blue seemed almost delighted by Keith’s return and her friendly purrs made him smile genuinely for the first time in what felt like years. He was so distracted with mentally greeting Blue, he’d almost forgotten about the guest he’d brought with.

Lance had gone completely silent.

When Keith looked back he could see him staring up at Blue, wide-eyed, with a mix of reverence, confusion and maybe even a bit of fear.

“Holy crow….”

Keith hummed in agreement and took a few steps forward, tugging Lance a little so he would follow in step behind him. Once they were in front of Blue’s force field, he let go of Lance’s hand and crossed his arms over his chest. Lance lifted his hands as if to press them to Blue’s force field, but he suddenly hesitated, his hands hovering over the glowing blue barrier for a moment before he pulled them away.

“What is it…?” he asked, unable to take his eyes off the ethereal yellow of Blue’s own as his hands fell back to his side.

“This is the Blue Lion. One of the defenders of the universe.”

Keith told Lance everything. Told him about Blue, about the Galra, about his parents and his Galra mother. He told him about how they had defended Blue as a family until only he remained. He told Lance about the Galra he’d killed, and how in the two years he’d spent alone out there, Blue was his only friend. He told him about he and Shiro had met, and how in his four years spent here, Shiro had been helping him keep the Blue Lion safe too.

Lance kept his eyes on Blue the entire time he spoke, but when Keith mentioned his painful years alone, he’d reached out and taken his hand again without prompting. Keith squeezed it, and everything in that moment was just a little bit better.

“You were right about one thing. I was an idiot during this last invasion. I should have never gone into it alone, and Shiro’s been giving me hell about it ever since”

Lance finally tore his eyes away from Blue and when he looked at him, it was the first time Keith had seen anything but hurt in the other’s eyes. Lance just looked…sad.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me about this?”

Keith sighed and squeezed Lance’s hand a bit tighter while threading their fingers together, looking at the cave floor and then up at Blue again.

“Because telling anyone meant involving them in a fight they never asked to be in.” he admitted, rubbing his thumb over Lance’s and reflecting on all the times he’d stood in front of this force field, alone and questioning the very universe he’d been born into.

“It’s a dangerous fight. My parents pulled me into it…but I got Shiro involved too, even though he’s already going through so much. And now he’s lost his arm because of me.”

“Keith you know that isn’t true.”

“It may as well be.”

“He doesn’t blame you for any of that.” Lance insisted. Keith turned his head away, fighting guilt lingering in his throat. Lance grasped his cheek and tilted his face back towards him, instinctually running his thumb over that new scar.

“Keith, look at me,”

He took a moment to collect himself before refocusing on Lance and catching blazing determination in those beautiful, vibrant blue eyes he’d longed to see this close again.

“I could lose my arm, my leg or half my lungs fighting to protect Blue and I would never blame you for any of that. You know why?”

Keith shook his head.

“Because we’re in this together. I’d do anything to protect you, just as much as you’d do anything to protect Blue. We’re a team, and I’ll never blame you for letting me be by your side, no matter what.” Lance urged.

Keith’s eyes began to burn as a sudden wave of emotion crashed over him, and he yanked Lance’s arm until he had him in a hug; burying his face in his neck and trying to stifle his sobs.

“I never meant what I said…. I’ve never thought myself stronger than you. You’re the strongest person I know, I’m nothing without you.” He said, his voice thick with tears and regret. Lance was hugging him just as tightly in return and when he spoke, he could hear the wetness lingering in his voice too.

“Me too…I’ve missed you so much…you said you’d always protect me, and I never returned it… and I….I should have never walked out on you.” He warbled, and Keith pulled back to cup his face in his hands, wiping away wetness with his thumbs.

“Please come back…”

Lance nodded and said what sounded like a ‘yes’ through another sob. The two of them embraced again and shared teary ‘I love you’s and promises to protect each other and Blue from now on, together as a team.

Keith had never felt more complete than he did in that moment, laying his heart bare for the one person he’d fetch all the stars in the galaxy for, just to make him smile.

When they finally parted, a little sniffly buy a lot more relaxed after shedding so much weight off their shoulders, Lance suddenly laughed a little. Keith adored the sound of it.

“What so funny?”

Lance shook his head and looked back up at Blue.

“I don’t know…it’s weird but this whole time, it feels like she’s been talking to me.” Lance admitted. Keith wondered if it was anything like the soft purrs he often felt in the back of his mind when around Blue, but something in the way Lance’s eyes gleamed as he looked at the lion said it was different.

“What is she saying?”

Lance smiled and turned back to Keith, wrapping his arms around him and touching their foreheads together as if centering their whole world in till only the two of them remained in that very moment.

“Everything’s going to be alright.”

 

\--------------

 

They graduated top of their class.

Lance Espinosa McClain and Keith Kogane, neck and neck until the end. Of course, Keith had to graduate one mark above, and while he personally didn’t care, Lance made a point of saying how he’d ‘given Keith the extra point’ every chance he got. Keith usually responded by shutting him up with a kiss. 

And once the ceremonies were finished and medals awarded, the two of them were off to Veradero.

Lance had been the one to propose the trip, though it had been up for a reasonable amount of debate for a while. After all, there was Blue to worry about. It wasn’t like their previous vacation where Keith hadn’t been as concerned for her, knowing he could trust her safety to Shiro and his small squad. But now the Garrison couldn’t seem to stop poking their noses into the cave and making their jobs more difficult. With Keith’s combat experience and Lance’s skilled sharpshooting, they’d proven more than once that the two of them could handle Blue’s protection just fine, but Admiral Sandas was persistent in her involvement.

Despite the nuisance, there hadn’t been an actual attack in well over a year now, and Lance had been itching to see his family for a while.  Keith had also been itching to meet them, although his was more of a nervous kind of itch.

The McClains barely gave Keith the chance to bow his head and stammer over his greetings him before they were barreling him down in love and acceptance. It had been so long since Keith had had a mom and dad in his life that being around Mrs. And Mr. McClain was almost overwhelming for him. But he was happy. And despite the chaos that came with it, living with siblings for the first time proved to be pretty fun too.

Their break was spent with Lance teaching Keith everything from surfing to how to make Cuban style paella during the day, and taking long walks on the beach at night to talk about their future amongst the stars. A future, that Keith was certain, would be a shared one.

It was on those nights under Veradero’s setting sun, with Lance’s niece and nephew dozing behind them on the warm porch wood and the sound of island tree frogs serenading the onset of night, that Keith learned what it felt like to be truly loved.

It was on those nights that they wandered from the porch steps and into the shadowy dunes, hand in hand with towels hanging on their arms and mischievous giggles under their breath, that Keith learned what it felt like to be truly in love with someone.

It was on those nights where Keith would whisper endearments into Lance’s ear as they made love in time with the crashing waves and under the grace of moonlight, that Keith learned he never truly loved being himself more than he did when he was with Lance.

 

\--------------

 

“So, how’s rebuilding the house coming along?”

Keith smiled at Shiro’s question and pushed his bangs back from his eyes habitually, Lance had complained that morning that Keith’s hair was getting so long it was ridiculous, all while lovingly braiding it and tying it back for him nice and neat, as had become their daily routine. At this point, cutting his hair would be criminal.

“It’s going good. At this rate I think we can be done in a year or so.” Keith conceded, his focus frequently divided between vague glances at Shiro’s face and staring at the rumpled sheets of the bed. He hated that he still struggled to make eye contact with the other. It wasn’t Shiro’s fault he’d become so…

Frail.

“A year is a long time, that doesn’t seem like a very good rate.” He pointed out. Keith chuckled and leaned back in the chair he’d frequently taken up at Shiro’s bedside as of late.

“Yeah well, Lance isn’t exactly one for hard labor. Some days he’s even more determined than I am, but those are the days he tends to get too excited and messes something up. He busted his thumb hammering the other day, so I’ve been trying to get him to sit out of construction and have Hunk help out while he’s in town for the engineering convention.” Keith explained.

Shiro chuckled softly and that made Keith finally look up at him for longer than 2 seconds.

“It’s good to hear that you’re all still in contact.” He pointed out. Keith smiled, but it was strained and made his jaw feel uncomfortably cramped.

Shiro didn’t look bad, per se. He still wore the strong jawed smile that had encouraged so many eager Garrison cadets like himself on numerous occasions. But his body was a different, much sadder story…he lacked the same tough build and air of strength in his posture. His muscles had atrophied quite a bit and now Shiro couldn’t even walk very far without his body giving out and demanding rest. He was pretty much permanently bed ridden at only 32, with Adam taking care of most of his needs within the confines of their one bedroom flat a few towns over, off Garrison property.

“How’s early retirement treating you?” Keith asked, because any longer spent staring at Shiro in self-loathing silence wasn’t about to make him feel any better.

Shiro shrugged and adjusted his reading glasses with his only hand, his novel long since abandoned on his lap since Keith’s arrival.

“Well enough. Although Adam doesn’t let me do much anymore. It’s a fight just to help him with dinner half the time.”

“I can’t say I blame him for that.” Keith admitted and Shiro’s eyebrows upturned in a look of near betrayal.

“You always do take his side in this.” He said, his voice more amused than actually hurt. Keith didn’t know what to say to that, it wasn’t like he was wrong.

“So, how are the recruiting trips going, anyways?” Shiro asked, his voice perking up again and making Keith relax some. “I bet Lance likes talking to all the kids. Any rebellious souls worthy of adopting?” Shiro joked and Keith chuckled at that, giving him a look

“Not yet but we’ll see. I’m almost scared to let Lance anywhere near the orphanage, the shack isn’t big enough to take in every single child just yet.” Shiro laughed at that and Keith smiled. At least his laugh sounded the same. That was something that Keith couldn’t bear to have stolen from him. Shiro wouldn’t be Shiro without it.

When the laughter died down, the silence in the room was that much more poignant, further reminding Keith of just how much he still wasn’t used to all this change. Things had definitely been different ever since Shiro and Adam retired, and Lance and Keith essentially took over the positions they left behind. They weren’t exactly studious rule followers the way most instructors at the Garrison were but seeing as they were top of their class and becoming Garrison legends themselves, it was hard to deny how qualified they were. Still, barely a day went by where Keith didn’t miss being able to go find Adam or Shiro in the halls so he could talk to them about this, or that and maybe get some advice. He certainly felt like he still needed, no matter how much of an adult he was supposed to be.

“I will say, recruitment hasn’t been all that easy though. Some schools have taken Garrison officer visits and simulation runs off their roster ever since…” The silence that hung in the air answered the question for them.

Kerberos.

Shiro hummed in agreement and nodded, but neither of them knew just how to handle the sudden shift in the mood that hung in the air. Eventually Keith was the one to break the silence, because if he didn’t then he would surely suffocate under the weight.

“Do you ever regret not going?”

Keith looked back at him and noticed Shiro taking off his reading glasses and looking contemplative.

“I used to. Especially after Matt and Sam went missing. I kept wondering if things would have been different had I been there to help them.” He admitted, and Keith felt a small pang of guilt at that. He still wouldn’t say sorry for talking him in to staying though. Especially after how it turned out. The Holts had been missing for nearly 6 years now.

“But I haven’t regretted it for a while now. I know staying here with Adam is what was best for me, for both of us. You were right, one last ‘hoorah’ in the stars wouldn’t have been worth it if it meant losing this.”

Keith nodded but didn’t say anything else. Seeing Shiro confined to his bed like this made him less sure of that.

“What about you?”

Keith gave Shiro a confused look.

“I’m not following. What about me?”

“I’m asking if you ever wished you’d stayed with Blue. You know you could have left the Garrison at any time, no one was keeping you here. Do you ever regret staying?”

Oddly enough, that wasn’t a hard question for Keith to answer.

“No, I don’t.”

Shiro seemed surprised at that and Keith felt himself starting to blush a little under his stare.

“I mean, sure sometimes I wish I could spend more time with Blue. And I’ll always wish my dad was still here to help. But I don’t regret staying. Because I got to meet Hunk and Pidge…I got to fall in love with Lance…I got to meet you.” Keith admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. He still wasn’t used to being so forward with his feelings like this and wasn’t sure if he was making things awkward, but he’d gotten much better at speaking his mind with Lance’s help. When he looked up at Shiro, Keith was surprised to find him smirking.

“So, you really are in love with Lance, huh?” He asked the very ‘I’m your older brother and I’m going to tease you voice’ Keith hated. He huffed and rolled his eyes, looking anywhere but at Shiro.

“W-well yeah- I thought that was obvious! It’s not new!” He snapped and Shiro laughed.

“Then why haven’t you put a ring on him yet? You two have been all over each other for 4 years now.”

Keith felt his heart racing and his cheeks warming, but this time it was less out of embarrassment and more out of the blooming feeling of love he got in his chest whenever anything about Lance was brought up.

“I want to wait for the right time. I want it to be sorta official, you know what a romantic he is.” Keith pointed out and Shiro chuckled.

“Any date in mind for this very official proposal?”

Keith nodded, he’d actually thought about it for a while now. He even knew what ring he wanted to buy, he’d been saving up for months.

“I’m going to propose when the house is finished. When we’re officially ready to start our lives together.” Shiro smiled and set his hand on Keith’s head, roughing up his hair the same way his mother used to and filling Keith with an odd sort of contentment that came with feeling like he had a home.

“That sounds perfect.”

Keith left Shiro a few hours later, declining the offer to stay for dinner and wishing Shiro a good night and good health. He had too much work to do still, and Lance was no doubt waiting at home with Hunk and a four-course meal that Keith would be demonized into eating whether he was already full or not.

A year later, Keith made sure to stay true to his word, and when the last brick was laid, and the hammer came down for the final time, Keith dropped to one knee and asked Lance to be his.

 

\--------------

 

“Lance? Lance come in!!”

Nothing but static.

Keith stared hopelessly at the cracked face of his phone, willing it to reawaken and show him the face of his fiancé in one piece. And he just kept staring and praying, because he didn’t want to look up and acknowledge the crumbling world around him anymore.

But eventually he had to.

Keith hadn’t seen this kind of red in over ten years.

The kind of red that came from the flames that were endlessly chasing his life on his heels, ready to swallow up what little happiness he had left in this world. They were consuming the Garrison now, the same way they had with his desert home, only now there was more than just his own withered wailing filling the air between crackles and splintering foundations.

There were screams. Screams from hundreds of students seeking shelter in the confusion, screams of professors and officers desperately trying to get them to safety and call to out survivors buried in the rubble of the partially collapsed facility.

The moments of screaming and panic were punctuated by the sounds of more explosions and blasts from foreign weapons in the not so far off distance. Looking through the smoke clouded sky revealed fighter jets swarming around monstrous alien battle cruisers like mosquitos on an apex predator. Each one was swat from the sky before they even got within firing range, and Keith tried not to think about Adam’s emergency reserve status and, how he was likely one of the many spiraling towards Earth’s charred surface.

Keith stood unsteadily and started to run, ignoring the calls from his fellow professors to go to the shelters or to tell him to come back.

He needed to get to the hoverbikes now. Due to the collapsed staircases, Keith had to scale the emergency ladder up the side of the building to get to the flight deck, and he quickly ran towards where his hoverbike was thankfully still stationed, forcing it up from where it had fallen on its side and fumbling in his pockets for the keys.

Yards away on the take-off strip, he could hear another fighter jet starting up, and once he was settled on his bike with his fans started, he looked over his shoulder to see a familiar figure getting in the cockpit. Only it wasn’t Adam.

As if he could sense his gaze, James turned and nodded to acknowledge Keith and the two shared a long knowing look that this would be the last they saw of one another, before they both refocused on the task at hand, mutely resigned to their fate.

Keith revved the fans of his hoverbike and shot himself off the top of the room, nearly crashing in the shallow dunes due to lack of air momentum to cushion him. He quickly kicked off the ground and forced the bike upright as he took off towards the only place he knew Lance would be going in that moment.

Purple beams cut across the desert, with no clear target for their destruction, and Keith could only bite the inside of his cheek and do his best to avoid catching the attention of any low flying fighters as he sped straight towards the cave so fast one of his fans over heated and spun-off its axel. Keith jumped off before he could crash and sprinted without stop through the clouds of sand and debris to hide himself from the cruiser looming ominously close to the mountain containing Blue.

He could see it was projecting a tractor beam through an area where the rocky face had been cleaved open up top, which made Keith’s gut roil, but what had his heart climbing into his throat was the sight of another red hoverbike abandoned at the mouth of the cave. He barreled inside without looking back again.

Keith’s focus in that moment, was entirely driven by finding is lover safe and sound and then somehow protecting the universes only hope. His mind was completely narrowed in, adrenaline and anxiety clogging his veins to the point that he hardly noticed the pain from slamming into the partially collapsed cave walls or slicing his hands on jagged rock as he descended down the passage as fast as possible.

He only stopped when he finally reached the inner clearing and saw it entirely vacant for the first time in his life.

The center carved circle that once held the Blue Lion was now empty…except for a single human body laying amongst the rubble, their sun-kissed skin bathed in the hazy warm light streaming in from the now open ceiling, and a Garrison issued blaster laying abandoned at their side.

No.

He felt the word in his gut more than he heard it on his tongue as he broke into a dead sprint. He only faltered to shove wayward rocks and boulders from his path and ended up falling over what was likely a sprained ankle as he collapsed to ground and lifted the prone body of his fiancé in his arms.

Keith could feel damp warmth against him the moment he pulled Lance into his arms, and the smell of burnt flesh was emanating from the gouged wound in his lover’s back. A blaster wound, the same as what Keith had gotten.

But this was a direct hit. Straight from behind.

Meaning Lance had somehow made it to the cave before the enemy, and even gotten through Blue’s barrier before being shot down a moment shy of reaching her.

It couldn’t have happened more than 10 minutes ago…but by now, Lance wasn’t breathing anymore.

Keith didn’t want to turn his face towards him, because he knew what he would see. But his need to face the reality won over his fear of the known truth. His hand shook as he moved Lance’s head, and when he managed to look through the watery veil of tears drowning him, all he saw were lifeless eyes staring back at him, empty and void of everything that had given Keith purpose until that moment.

Keith felt so much and so little in that moment.

He felt like his blood was being heated to boiling and frozen in his veins simultaneously, and throbbing rage and bitter despair played tug -of-war with his sanity. He felt both bitterly numb and aching with vengeance. He wanted to kill someone and kill himself, and he couldn’t decide which would sate the agony burrowing into every cell in his body.

“No…no no Lance…Lance please…” Keith didn’t know if his pleas were reaching out to Lance or some higher power, but all he could think was to beg the universe to stop this. To take it back and rewind time, so he could do anything to stop this from happening.

He would give up his love with Lance, his relationship with Shiro, his life at the Garrison, his friends, his childhood - he would give up anything and everything to not be holding the love of his life dead in his arms in that very moment.

When Keith looked to the sky to plead with God, all he saw was blinding, scorching red. The red that haunted his dreams, his very existence and clung to every fiber of his misery.

It was the red of the flames.

And it had finally come to claim him.

 

\--------------

 

“…..ey…..hey I think he’s waking up!”

  _Lance…._

That was Lance’s voice.

Keith could feel the soft tickle of a hand over his and could see the faintest light creeping through his eyelids as more murmuring and movement filled the air around him. He felt as if he were drifting in a safe veil, apart from the destruction and grief that had been consuming his world moments before.

This had to be heaven. His afterlife had finally come, and Lance was greeting him at the gates. He was so happy they didn’t have to be parted for long. All he wanted was to hold his hand and see his face again.

And suddenly, his wish was granted.

Keith groaned softly as he finally opened his eyes, the light much harsher without a barrier there. The hand on his own gripped a bit tighter, and Keith tried to return the favor but found his muscles struggling to catch up to his mind.

Those bright blues came in to focus a moment later as Lance bent over him with the same exuberant smile he’d come to adore.

“Hey buddy, can you hear me? We were getting pretty worried there.”

Strange…in all the depictions of heaven he’d heard about, people tended to wear white, but out of the corner of his eye he could see Lance wearing orange of all things. Almost like the colors of---

“Keith! It’s so good to see you awake!”

Shiro….?

Keith blinked again, and his vision cleared up more, the light becoming less intrusive as he managed to focus in on the other head now in his vision. Sure enough, that was definitely Shiro in front of him. Only, Shiro had been confined to his apartment for years now, he shouldn’t have been able to be by his bedside. Why was he in bed anyways?

And since when was Shiro’s hair white?

“Mm…you guys’re loud…” Keith mumbled. It wasn’t exactly what he’d been wanting to say in that exact moment, but confusion and exhaustion left his words a little sparse. Lance laughed and repositioned himself so he was sitting at the edge of Keith’s bed; a bed that was a little too stiff to be heaven worthy in all honesty.

“Well excuse us for being a little excited after you’ve been in a coma for like two weeks.” Lance said.

Keith was suddenly much more awake than before, and he shook his head as he stared at Lance in denial and confusion. He sat up a bit too fast to the point where Shiro had to catch him to keep him from pitching face first into the sheets.

“Wait, what? A coma?? What even happened?! You were dead, I saw you I---” Keith cut off his ranting as his memory chose that moment to separate his realities properly.

The fight with Sendak.

That power draining robeast that had nearly killed Voltron.  

Taking the robeast to space and quietly accepting death as the blast sent each of their lions spiraling back to earth.

That was the reality he lived in.

Not…whatever his mind had created for him in his time away from the land of the living. Keith noticed Lance was gazing at him really worriedly and he looked away awkwardly, suddenly a little embarrassed at his outburst.

“Are…you okay, man?” Lance asked, scooting a little closer and holding Keith’s hand up where he noticed their fingers were suddenly intertwined. “I promise I’m alive, we all are. I’m right here with you, see?” Lance said with an encouraging smile, which Keith couldn’t help but return as he squeezed Lance’s hand tighter in his own.

“Yeah I see…” He rubbed his thumb over Lance’s absently and recalled the quickly fading memories of holding this hand while walking through the halls of the Garrison, while looking up at the stars on Veradero beach, while slipping a ring on that very finger. It had all felt so real at the time. But he realized now that the reality of holding Lance’s hand had a warmth to it that his mind simply couldn’t make up.

Keith came back to the moment when he heard Shiro clearing his throat, and he looked up to see Lance staring at their hands and blushing hard while Shiro gave him and knowing but slightly awkward smile. Keith quickly let go of Lance’s hand and tried to fight down the burning in his own cheeks.

“I’m going to go get the others and let them know you’re awake, they’ll want to see you. Krolia is in a meeting with Kolivan and Iverson at the moment, but she should be in soon.” Shiro explained, patting Keith on the head and sending him a perfect, strong-jawed, encouraging smile that was so uniquely Shiro, Keith was melting in relief just at the sight.

“Thanks.” Shiro left them a moment later and Keith looked back at Lance, unable to keep his focus off him for long, as the sight of Lance dead in his arms was still unnervingly fresh in his mind and he kept having to remind himself it wasn’t real.

“That must have been some dream you were having.” Lance said it casually, but there seemed to be more lingering behind his words. Keith sighed and shook his head.

“Yeah it was…definitely something.”

“I must have been in it a lot.” Lance pointed out and at Keith’s look of confusion, he chuckled. “I uh heard you say my name a few times when I came to visit you.” Now it was Keith’s turn to chuckle a little at how awkward and obvious Lance was being. It was incredibly endearing.

“And how often did you come to visit me?” he asked. Lance smiled and shrugged, still avoiding any direct eye contact.

“Once I could move? A couple times a day.”

Keith smiled at the small confession, feeling a bit giddy in knowing that even while he’d been unconscious, he’d still somehow warranted Lance’s affection. Or at least, his concern. It felt good to be wanted by the boy after spending two weeks apparently planning to spend most of his alternate life with him.

“I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“Don’t be, you’re up now and that’s all that matters.” The two of them finally shared a moment of eye contact that somehow conveyed so much they both were unsure how to put into words in that moment. Lance eventually broke it first and stood.

“You’re probably hungry. I’ll go find something in the cafeteria for you.” He was about to leave the bed, but Keith reached out and grasped Lance’s hand before he was out of range.

“Lance, wait—”

He did, and Keith felt his throat suddenly going tight with uncertainty when Lance looked back at him with questioning eyes. Memories of this same scene happening under worse circumstances forced him to react before he could think, but now that he had Lance where he needed him, he knew he had words that were long overdo for his fellow paladin and right hand man.

“I….I just wanted to say….” Keith swallowed and steeled himself.

Now or never.

“Thank you. For staying by my side no matter what…and for letting me stay by yours. We really do make a great team. And…I don’t ever want to lose that.”

Lance took a moment to process this before his face lit up in a familiar soft smile and he squeezed Keith’s hand again.

“Anytime, team leader.”

He suddenly brought Keith’s hand to his lips for a moment, and the gesture stunned Keith enough that he couldn’t form another proper sentence before Lance was hiding his red face and hurrying out the door. Keith smiled to himself and briefly brought his own hand to his lips a moment later before letting the feeling pass.

After Lance left, Keith sat in bed and stared out the window, trying to scrounge together the scattering remains of his coma-dream to prevent them from becoming diluted or dissolving completely in the surrounding reality.

He didn’t crave that alternate life as badly as he thought he would, even if it held so much in it that he lacked. Rather, he wanted to hold on to the idea of what could have been to remind him of his now.

There was so much fight left for him and his team, so much he didn’t feel ready for, but he didn’t regret his decisions or how far he’d come from his starting line right there in the middle of the desert.

Keith closed his eyes with a small smile on his lips and listened carefully for his lion. But it wasn’t Black that responded.

For the first time in many years, he could hear different, more motherly purrs tickling the back of his mind.

Purrs that were the color of soft, effervescent Blue.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a comment if you are so inclined and check me out on tumblr under leggydeco !


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